The Gamers (2002 Video)
Matt Cameron: The Gamemaster
Quotes
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The Gamemaster : Guys, please! I want you to roleplay this. Remember you've never met this guy before, the last guys you met tried to kill you, and you're standing in the ruins of an evil, cursed castle. Just act appropriately.
Magellan : Hello, I'm Magellan, a traveling mage. I notice your group has no wizard.
Rogar, the Barbarian : You seem trustworthy. Would you care to join us in our noble quest?
Magellan : Yes. Yes I would.
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The Gamemaster : You're going to backstab him with a ballista?
Nimble the Thief : Uh huh
The Gamemaster : With a fucking siege weapon?
Nimble the Thief : Uh huh
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The Gamemaster : There's only one patron at the bar, and he doesn't notice you.
Nimble the Thief : I pick his pocket.
The Gamemaster : Roll it.
Nimble the Thief : Ha ha! Got it. Does he have any, uh, weapons or anything?
The Gamemaster : Yeah, he's got a knife.
Nimble the Thief : I take that too.
The Gamemaster : Ok. Roll it.
Nimble the Thief : Ha ha! Cool! I'm kicking ass! I want to steal his pants.
The Gamemaster : You're not serious?
Nimble the Thief : I am serious.
The Gamemaster : Why do you want his pants?
Nimble the Thief : I don't want them. I just want to see if I can steal them.
The Gamemaster : Fine, go ahead. But you suffer a negative eight penalty for difficulty.
[Dice rolls]
The Gamemaster : I don't believe it.
[pause]
The Gamemaster : Are you quite finished?
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Ambrose : Hey, isn't Mark supposed to be here?
The Gamemaster : Uh yeah. He's over there.
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The Gamemaster : Now begins the killing, followed by light salad...
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The Gamemaster : [the party has arrived at a river crossing, all of them looking indifferently at it; at the table there is an awkward silence amongst the players for a few moments] Dude!
Ambrose : What?
The Gamemaster : Aren't you forgetting something?
Ambrose : [confused] Like what?
The Gamemaster : Like your character's paralysing fear of water, perhaps?
Ambrose : Oh yeah, that's right...
[Ambrose suddenly grips his head with both hands, screaming his lungs out in horror as he is being dragged away by Rogar and Nimble]