Red vs. Blue (2003–2024)
Dan Godwin: Donut, Pvt. Franklin Delano Donut, Jacob J. Jenkins, Franklin Delano Donut
Photos
Quotes
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Sarge : [Tex has finished repairing Shelia, and is now attacking the Red Base. Sarge is in the Warthog and radios Simmons] Simmons, I'm comin' around in the Warthog. Take the gunner position when I come by.
Simmons : Right, Sir.
Grif : I'll, uh, I'll just stay here.
Simmons : Yeah. Stay and guard this cement wreck. It's vital to our success.
[Simmons jumps into the gunner position of the Warthog]
Simmons : I'm in, sir.
Sarge : [they drive off towards Sheila] Good. Here's the plan, Simmons
[Tex blasts the Warthog, and Simmons flies off]
Sarge : Yowza!
Grif : [Sarge and Simmons run back to Red Base] Wow. You guys back so soon? Win the war already?
Simmons : Hey Sarge, you mind telling me the rest of the plan now?
Sarge : If we survive this, I'm gonna kill the both of you... slowly...
Sheila : [Shelia is still firing at the Red Base] Firing main cannon.
Donut : [Donut runs up the stairs, while Grif, Simmons, and Sarge are cowarding in the other staircase] What are you guys doing up here?
Grif : That chick with the black armor is back!
Donut : What chick? The one who stuck a grenade to my head?
Simmons : That's the one!
Donut : The one who's the reason why I'm in this Light Red Armor?
Grif : Donut, I understand the need to safeguard your masculinity, but it's so much faster just to say Pink.
Donut : Ohhh, I've been waiting for this...
[runs to edge of base, towards Sheila]
Donut : HEY BITCH! REMEMBER ME? I SAVED SOMETHING FOR YA'!
[Tosses grenade at Tex and Sheila]
Tucker : [Simmons and Grif look at grenade, grenade flies, Lopez/Church watches grenade, grenade flies, Tucker and Cabosse watch grenade] Wow. That girl has some arm...
Tex : [grenade lands in Tex's lap] Oh, CRAP!
Donut : HELL YEAH! THREE POINTS, YOU DIRTY WHORE!
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Grif : What the fuck was that?
Simmons : That was the weirdest match I ever played.
Church : Dude, that sucked! I got team-killed in like, the first ten seconds.
Caboose : Sorry that was my fault... Some guy kept screaming into the mic.
Tucker : BOM CHICKA BOW WOW!
Church : Dude, Shut up!
Caboose : See?
Tucker : BOM CHICKA BOW WOW!
Church : Alright, that's it. I'm muting him.
Sarge : Alright, let's play another!
Donut : Dude, I am not wearing that armor again.
Sarge : Same teams?
Church : Yeah, same teams. New map.
Tucker , Church , Donut , Caboose , Simmons , Sarge , Grif : New map!
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[PSA presenting the difference between Real Life and the Internet. Title card reads "Discussing Politics: Real Life"]
Church : [calmly, but assertively] Look, that's just how I feel about it.
Sarge : Well, I disagree, but I respect your opinion.
[title card appears reading "Discussing Politics: the Internet", and suddenly cut into a chaotic battlefield]
Church : [shouts] You deserve to die! Die and go to hell and burn!
Sarge : [shouts] Well, I hope you get raped? twice! Then maybe you'll feel differently? Jerk!
Grif : We don't *need* to find weapons of mass destruction, we just need to *want* to! That's how it works!
Simmons : I voted for Nader; I hate everyone!
Frank DuFresne : Have you considered changing your homepage to MoveOn.org?
Donut : Politics gets me sooo horny! Check out my webcam pics at PresidentialSluts.com!
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Donut : [searching in Ghost for Grif] Grif! Grif! Oh Griiiiif!
[he finds him]
Donut : Oh! Hi Grif! There you are!
Grif : [sighs]
Donut : I've been looking all over for you! I looked inside the base, I looked around the base, I looked on top of the base, I looked insided the base again...
Grif : I think you need to learn what "All over" means.
Donut : Anyway, Sarge wants you to come back and...
Grif : Forget it! I'm not coming back!
Donut : Why?
Grif : It's SARGE. I know he's not going to call me to help him eat ice cream! He's gonna make me do stuff. Work stuff.
Donut : But...
Grif : Look, Donut. I know you're riding high on your new promotion, but don't think you can boss me around. Me and Simmons, we had a system. He didn't tell me what to do, and I didn't ignore him.
Donut : You ignored him all the time!
Grif : I'm sorry, what? I wasn't listening. See? The system works! Learn the system, Donut!