Everything Is Illuminated (2005)

Elijah Wood: Jonathan Safran Foer

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Alex : You make sex often with American girl?

  Jonathan : Not really.

  Alex : What is mean by "not really?"

  Jonathan : I'm not a priest, but I'm not John Holmes either.

  Alex : I have heard of this John Holmes. He has premium penis.

  Jonathan : Yes, he did.

  Alex : Everyne in Ukraine has penis like that.

  Jonathan : Even the women?

  Alex : You make joke, yes?

  Jonathan : Yes.

• Jonathan : I'm a vegetarian.

  Alex : You're a what?

  Jonathan : I don't eat meat.

  Alex : How can you not eat meat?

  Jonathan : I just don't.

  Alex : [to Grandfather, in Russian]  He says he does not eat meat.

  Grandfather : [to Alex, in Russian]  What?

  Alex : No meat?

  Jonathan : No meat.

  Alex : Steak?

  Jonathan : No...

  Alex : Chickens!

  Jonathan : No...

  Alex : And what about the sausage?

  Jonathan : No, no sausage, no meat!

  Alex : [to Grandfather, in Russian]  He says he does not eat any meat.

  Grandfather : [to Alex, in Russian]  Not even sausage?

  Alex : [to Grandfather, in Russian]  I know!

  Grandfather : [to Alex, in Russian]  What is wrong with him?

  Alex : What is wrong with you?

  Jonathan : Nothing, I just don't eat meat!

• Jonathan : I'm distressed by dogs.

  Alex : [in Russian to Grandfather]  He is afraid of dogs.

  Grandfather : [in Russian to Alex]  Bullshit. No one is afraid of dogs.

• Alex : How much currency would a first-rate accountant receive in America?

  Jonathan : I don't know, a lot, probably, if he or she is good.

  Alex : She?

  Jonathan : Or he.

  Alex : Are there Negro accountants?

  Jonathan : Yes, there are *African American* accountants, but you don't want to use that word.

  Alex : And homosexual accountants?

  Jonathan : There are homosexual *everythings*. There are homosexual garbage men.

  Alex : [shocked]  And how much currency would a Negro homosexual accountant receive?

  Jonathan : You really shouldn't use that word.

  Alex : Which word?

  Jonathan : The N-word. It's not *the* N-word, but...

  Alex : Negro?

  Jonathan : Yeah, that one.

  Alex : But I dig them all the way. They are premium people.

• [after an old man gives them directions, Jonathan hands him a pack of cigarettes] 

  Alex : What are you doing?

  Jonathan : For helping us.

  Alex : What?

  Jonathan : Well, I read in my guidebook that you can't find Marlboro cigarettes here so you should take them everywhere as tips.

  Grandfather : [In Ukrainian] 

  [to the man] 

  Grandfather : He doesn't eat meat.

• Alex : This is not so unusual.

  Jonathan : What?

  Alex : Not knowing.

• [as they drive by an abandoned, half-destroyed apartment building] 

  Jonathan : What is it?

  Alex : Soviets.

  Jonathan : What happened?

  Alex : [pause]  Independence.

• Alex : Jonfen. What you said at the hotel about Ukrainians before the war.

  Jonathan : Yeah?

  Alex : Do you think it's possible that my grandfather, he...

  [Very long silence] 

  Jonathan : Your shirt's inside out.

  Alex : What?

  Jonathan : Your shirt's inside out.

  Alex : What does it mean, inside out?

  Jonathan : Nothing. It's just that the inside of your shirt is on the outside and the outside is on...

  Alex : [stares at him, uncomprehendingly] 

  Jonathan : ...Forget it.

• Alex : Please tell me, is the Shaq also the Jew?

  Jonathan : Who?

  Alex : The Shaqweel O'Neal, the Los Angeles Laker.

  Jonathan : Uh, no.

  Alex : And Michael Jackson?

  Jonathan : [Scoffs]  *No*, definitely not a Jew.

• Jonathan : [after Alex asks why he collects family artifacts]  I don't know, why does anybody do anything? It's just... something to do.