Hatchet (2006)

Parry Shen: Shawn

Photos 

Quotes 

• Shawn : The tour is leaving right now, it's forty bones each.

  Ben : Forty dollars?

  Marcus : Can you spot me?

  Ben : What, you don't have any cash?

  Marcus : No, I'm just not paying for this bullshit.

• Shawn : But you only shot him once, right? Maybe you gotta shoot him more times. Like four- or six- maybe you gotta shoot him six times?

• Shawn : [on a tour bus, over the PA system]  Okay folks, I am your tour guide Shawn. Just sit back and get ready to enjoy some...

  Marcus : [interrupting him]  Ah, buddy, you don't need that thing. This is, like, the size of a Mini Cooper.

  Shawn : [grumbles to himself in Chinese] 

• Shawn : Don't mind him, that's just Jack Cracker.

  Jenna : Jack Cracker?

  Shawn : Yeah, yeah, just one of the local alligator hunters. He just sits there, yells things, drinks his own piss. He's... ah, you know, cracked.

• Shawn : Now here on the Mississippi bayou, hundreds of fishermen and old pirates have lost their lives... and if we're lucky, we might just see their souls floatin' over the waters where they up and died.

• Marcus : [about Marybeth]  Someone wanna explain why Janey's got a gun?

  Shawn : [to Marybeth]  Yeah, why do you have a gun?

  Marybeth : Why should I tell you, you little con artist?

• Shawn : [Telling a story about Victor Crowley at the fake house]  Victor Crowley, hatchet face! Legend is that, uh, he was a deformed man whose own father went nuts and whacked him in the face with a hatchet one night. All by account that he was so ugly or...

  [looks at card] 

  Shawn : something... anyway, he died. As so, the story goes that if you're ever near the old Crowley house late at night, you can still hear ol' Victor Crowley crying for his daddy...

  [lowering his voice] 

  Shawn : daaaaaaaaddyyy...

  [gasp] 

  Shawn : Y'all hear that?

  [Gulps and lowers his voice again] 

  Shawn : Daaaaaaaaaaddyyy...

  [gasp] 

  Shawn : I heard it again!

  Marybeth : That ain't the story.

  Shawn : Well, that's the gist of it, anyway.

  Marybeth : That's not even the house.

  Shawn : Christ! Will you just let me do my job?

  [shouts angrily in Chinese; stops, seeing he just went out of character and goes back to his Southern voice] 

  Shawn : Y'all try the crawfish yet?

• Shawn : [driving the tour bus]  If you look to your right, you'll see the famous cemetery.

  Misty : [looking out left window]  I don't see anything.

• Shawn : [Marcus and Shawn are propping up the injured Mr. Permatteo on both sides]  I just wanna know why the crackers are back there with the honeys, while the brothers gotta carry the injured dude.

  Marcus : I just want to get to a road - then I'm gonna whup your ass.

• Shapiro : Tell me this is part of the tour.

  Shawn : Oh, yeah - I sink the boat every night. It's hillarious.

• Shawn : Off to the left, you'll see something you don't see everyday, but I do, heh heh... real live Cypress trees! Now hey, what did the Spanish boy say to the Cypress? 'Mind if I HANG around?' Ho hoo, sometimes, I'll tell that joke in Español.

  Jim Permatteo : Hey, isn't the Cypress a Louisiana state tree?

  Shawn : I bet it sure is.

  Jim Permatteo : Yes, it was 1963, the Fall Cypress

  Shawn : Ho now, only room for one guide on this boat now.