Australian Pie (2005) Poster

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1/10
There are no words for how bad this is
Bubsy-29 April 2006
Recipe for Meat Pie... Ingredients: Some incompetent film-making hobbyists, grand ideas blended with total delusion, crude jokes stolen from the nearest schoolyard playground, nonsensical material that's just plain unfunny... and a whole lot of egos, each convinced that he is in charge and an "expert".

Method: After writing woefully inept script, reject feedback from people who actually have a clue about writing. Remain convinced that this is "commercial hit" material. After unsuccessfully trying to recruit pure talent such as John Cleese, Bryan Brown and Michael Caton, or celebrities such as Steve Irwin, cast some washed-up comedians and former reality TV contestants. Cluelessly throw together a film with a camera from the local pawnbroker and await mocking from anyone unfortunate enough to catch a glimpse of the garbage
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1/10
Sorry, I just don't get it
rupert_lover9 April 2006
The world would be a happier, more enlightened place without this movie.

The plot of the film is so undeveloped that it would be better described as a premise - a guy gets his genitals removed by a mincing machine and gets a transplant from a black porn star.

Once the entire plot has been presented to us in the space of about three minutes, we have a long sequence where a number of out-of-place lowbrow jokes about everything that's funny if you're drunk. In fact, I'm wondering if the film makers were drunk when they wrote this, shot it, edited it.

The characters are very, very one-dimensional, generally limited to a single characteristic each. We've seen all these people in a dozen other movies, and relocating the little bit of 'action' there is to a pie shop in an obscure Australian town does not warrant a 'new' movie.

In the end, if you feel like having some simple, no-brains-required laughs and don't mind that the larger part of the movie is going to be bad, you might as well check this out. But don't say you weren't warned.
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1/10
Meat Pie insults viewers
immortal_fluid9 April 2006
I'm all for freedom of expression, and would never deny someone the right to independently get a message across to film audiences. However this movie, an attempt at independent comedy, seriously stands in the way of other people having the chance to express themselves. It also demeans just about every group in society with its feeble attempts at humour, and insults viewers in the process. Seriously, who thinks audiences are going to be amused by jokes about masturbation, menstruation, penis transplants and various racist and homophobic slurs? The Australian film industry is struggling to find an identity, and, as much as I admire anyone with a mission to get some Australian product out there, films like this will only damage the industry's already-low reputation and stop real films with real messages getting the chance they deserve.
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1/10
Absolute garbage
nineandthreequarters9 April 2006
Rude, crude, amateurish, self-indulgent and just plain unfunny. When I first heard what these people were trying to do with this movie, I was confused. After reading the script and seeing the movie's description in Ralph magazine, I am even more confused. The storyline seems to be a joke that someone made over the breakfast table, and didn't realise it should have stayed there. For the little bit of "story" that is there, it does nothing but to string together jokes which are either weak or stolen from other places, sitting in sequence in a disjointed, incoherent manner. Thank heavens that this will never be seen in cinemas (and in my opinion should not even be on this site), and please, let us be spared of any other nonsense that these hacks try to impose on audiences
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1/10
Truly crap...
webaudio8 June 2009
Barely watchable, possibly one of the worst films ever made. To the director I would say: get a real job.

It's not even funny bad like some old or dated cult flicks, it's just truly awful. Poorly crafted, derivative, unoriginal, amateurishly produced. Also borrows liberally from SBS TV's Pizza. If you are going to appropriate ideas, why not at least rip off something good?

I've seen first year film student projects that are far better than this waste of space.

One of the worst films I've ever seen by far.

You can watch the whole thing on YouTube, but I bet you won't sit through the first minute.
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1/10
Huh?
almond-husk9 April 2006
Warning: Spoilers
OK so since they had a really old joke about Pauline Hanson in the movie i guess i can just use that famous old pauline line... PLEASE EXPLAIN i so did not get what the point of this movie was. i mean, there's a guy who gets his penis chopped off by a mincing machine and i'm like OK, is this a porno? then some tacked on story about some professor with a grudge against the pie shop owner, and i'm like, is this meant to be some statement about small town revelry. then there's all this nonsense crap about 20-somethings being promiscuous and i'm like, is this a story about youths out of control. Then IMDb says its meant to be a comedy. where were the jokes? where were the larger then life characters? where was the point?
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1/10
What a waste
parallel_parking12 April 2006
Warning: Spoilers
It's got to be a warning when the big marquee names are ex reality TV contestants and comedians who wonder what happened to their once-thriving careers. This group of cardboard cut-out non-entities are perhaps the main flaw in a deeply flawed movie. Imagine how this puerile rubbish was pitched: "Hey there's this guy, right, and he loses his wee-wee, and gets a new one... and then we can do these jokes about Viagra and 69s and poo and farts and other stuff that we came up with after six beers and a whole stack of old comedy tapes. Yay, we got a winner!" Since they've used every other tacky gimmick, how about issuing the audience with 1D glasses to see the characters in all their glory? With characters as feeble as these, the movie can at least be saved by some great jokes. Which makes it more of a shame that there aren't any.
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1/10
I found this in a magazine, and it said it all...
munchkin60212 April 2006
Warning: Spoilers
"There's nothing funny about Meat Pie.

It's a bunch of set pieces with people getting sh*t on and ejaculated on, blokes kissing blokes, and things happening for no reason. The acting's worse than a skit on The Footy Show, the "jokes" are bastardisations of gags from other films and The Simpsons, it's borderline racist - and much worse, completely nonsensical." And I'll just add that it's rude, pointless, stupid, unfunny, pathetic, and it cost me 80 minutes of my life that I'll never get back. It's the worst thing I have ever seen, and I hope that nobody makes the same mistake I did of being nice enough to give it a chance
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1/10
Torture!!!
emd372119 April 2009
It should be illegal to make a film this bad. Watching it was like having a pencil shoved in my eye and it being swirled around, then having a bunch lit of cigarettes put out all over my body. But other than that it was OK.

I feel this way and I was getting paid while I was watching it at work. They say it is like American pie. This, my friend, is nothing like American Pie. American Pie had a plot, this was just a bunch of idiots doing stupid sh#$* on camera with no rhyme or reason at all.

Anyone thinking about watching this movie, just know, it is 89 min of your life you will never get back.
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1/10
Puddle of puke
david_murcott29 November 2020
I made the mistake of watching portions of this in 2007 and it still haunts me. I know he needed money for a Playstation but I still can't believe a young Ed Kavalis would stoop so low. This movie left me walking away feeling dirty and hollow inside. Also, the director is a slumlord. Marsland Motors.
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10/10
A delightful romp which may inspire the world to new heights of awesomeness
coxie872 October 2007
A delightful romp which will surely inspire the world to new heights of awesomeness. Well Done. Quite possibly the single most influential piece of literature in history. It will forever change the film world for the better. Congratulations to Ed Kavalee for a successfully convincing performance and realistic meat mincing scene. Could have used four extra montages.

A triumph of epic proportions. Nice crackle.

Guzzie Sampson

I love Rock 'n Roll underwear in the pants, and all over my hair. This is my tenth line, geezus what a ridiculous requirement. Kill Flanders, Kill Flanders, etc.
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10/10
A classy Australian film with a lot going for it
roblop4 April 2006
I saw Meat Pie at an advanced screening and all I can say is WELL DONE GUYS!!! This film was absolutely amazing. A great teen comedy romp with a story that will keep you laughing. Australia has never really tried to do anything like this and for a first attempt I must say the gang has done a great job here.

My hats off to such a young Australian cast too, well done to them all for a great job with this film.

I'm going to recommend this film to everyone who wants a great Australian film full of laughter and the like. So sit back relax and get ready to laugh with MEAT PIE!!!
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10/10
A funny, light-hearted, cringe-worthy comedy.
anika_griffiths5 August 2014
A funny, light-hearted, cringe-worthy, comedy. It will definitely appeal to teens across the globe who will relate to the challenges and embarrassment of puberty. There are a lot of great comic moments including classic one-liners and cringe- worthy sex scenes. The trailer provides a good taste of what Australian pie is all about. It's quite unique and really very different to 'American Pie'. Congratulations to the cast and crew. You can tell that a lot of effort has gone into making this movie the success that it is and that everyone had a lot of fun making it. I'm sure this movie will continue to be watched in years to come.
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