- Ed Norton: Now that we know Alice is definitely pregnant, the next question is rather obvious. Who do you suspect?
- Ralph Kramden: I mean a real bachelor party with a big cake and a big blonde jumping out of it.
- Ed Norton: Maybe I could get Mrs. Manicotti to jump out of a large pizza.
- Ralph Kramden: That kid when he grows up - he'll own all of this.
- Ed Norton: Lucky kid - not even born yet, and he's already got his own slum!
- Ralph Kramden: A mustache makes a guy distinctive. Gives a man a sort of an air. You ought to grow one.
- Ed Norton: Nah, I don't need one. When you work in the sewer, you already got an air about you.
- Ralph Kramden: I suppose that now my anniversary is getting near, you're racking your brain as to what to give me.
- Ed Norton: To tell you the truth, Ralph, I haven't given it much thought. That's not true. I haven't given it *any* thought.
- Ed Norton: The 25th anniversary - that's silver, ain't it? Would you settle for a picture of the Lone Ranger's horse?
- Ralph Kramden: [Thinking that the knitted cover for a bowling ball is a baby's sweater] Those are the two holes for the arms, and this is the hole for the head.
- Ed Norton: He may get his head and arms through there, but I don't think he's going to get them out again.
- Ed Norton: [after the toy baby's leg falls off while Norton is trying to put a diaper on him] Don't worry about a thing, Ralph. He heals very rapidly.