The Losers (I) (2010)

Jeffrey Dean Morgan: Clay

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jensen : [Aisha has the Losers in a Mexican standoff]  Ohhhh... shit. She's got a gun and... it's pointed at my dick. Clay, it's pointed at my dick!

  Pooch : Would you rather it was pointed at your face?

  Jensen : I know it makes no sense, but yes!

  [Aisha points her gun at Jensen's face] 

  Pooch : Better?

  Jensen : Not really...

  Clay : Where's your gun, Jensen?

  Jensen : It's in the van.

  Clay : What's it doing there?

  Jensen : Not... much.

  [Aisha rolls her eyes] 

  Roque : Will you two shut up?

  Jensen : Well, what if it was pointed at YOUR dick?

  [Aisha shoots Jensen in the arm] 

• Aisha : Here's the deal: I get you and your men back in the States. In exchange, you get Max for me.

  Clay : What's the catch, lady?

  Aisha : It's pretty much a suicide mission.

  Clay : And why should I trust you?

  Aisha : Because if I were lying, I wouldn't have used the words "suicide mission."

• Clay : Pooch, can you stand?

  Pooch : Oh. Oh, this is Stupid Question Day. This is Stupid Question Day, and nobody decided to tell me! Naw, that's cool. It's all good.

  Jensen : Come on, Legless Pooch, I got ya.

• Aisha : So what brings you to Bolivia?

  Clay : Cruise ship.

  Aisha : We're a landlocked country.

  Clay : Yeah, well... it's an amazing cruise ship.

• Roque : Think you're thinking clear on this? Huh? 'Cuz every time we mess up, it's because of a woman.

  Clay : Name one time that I...

  Roque : Amber.

  Clay : Amber wasn't the problem, Amber's husband was the problem.

  Pooch : Amber's husband wasn't the one who shot you.

  Clay : It was only in the leg.

  Jensen : What about Emma?

  Clay : Emma doesn't count. I didn't sleep with Emma.

  Roque : No, because she put a bomb in your car!

  Clay : All right, I admit - that did take a little of the romance out of it.

• Clay : I'm clear, Roque.

  Roque : Well, you better be, because I ain't getting killed by no girl.

  Aisha : [coming up behind them]  Been a long time since anyone called me a girl.

  [to Clay] 

  Aisha : She put a *bomb* in your car?

  Clay : She was volatile.

• Aisha : [as their chopper is sprayed with .50 caliber machine gun fire]  WHOA! I though you said small arms weren't a problem.

  Pooch : That look like small arms to you? Huh? That's a cannon.

  Aisha : Doughnut.

  Pooch : That's a CANNON!

  Aisha : Doughnut doughnut DOUGHNUT!

  [Both scream as they graze a Dunkin' Donuts sign] 

  Aisha : Are you SURE you've done this before?

  Pooch : Okay. Right now? Not the time. Not the time right now.

  Clay : Pooch, what's your status?

  Pooch : Well, I'm completely irritated and possibly crashing.

• [Cougar takes down Wade and Roque with the same bullet] 

  Clay : Outstanding!

• Clay : Jensen, are we wired?

  Jensen : [disguised as a street vendor]  Max is westbound... and these hot dogs are *delicious!*

• Aisha : [whistles at the sight of Clay's Bolivian hotel room]  Wow. It's everything a girl can dream of. Do you have a bathroom?

  Clay : No, I specifically requested the only hotel room in the world that doesn't have a bathroom.

• Roque : This is not a sweet car, dawg.

  Clay : This is a classic.

  Roque : Yeah, this is a classic piece of shit.

• Clay : What do you have on her?

  Jensen : Besides a pant-bustin' crush? Her Company file is blank. CIA has a standing kill order on her, as does Hamas, Sinn Fein... pretty much everyone with the exception of PETA wants this chick am-scrayed.

• Clay : How'd you know we were alive?

  Aisha : Counted the number of teeth in the chopper wreckage. Plus you guys aren't exactly subtle.

• Pooch : All right, look. We're not going anywhere until you two squash this bullshit.

  Clay : Pooch, we're on a schedule here. Let's go.

  Pooch : [imitating Clay]  Oh, "we're on a schedule?"

  [Yanks the keys out the ignition, looks pointedly at Clay and Roque] 

  Clay : [sighs]  Roque... I'm sorry I hit you in the face.

  Pooch : [laughing]  Oh. That was good. That was good. Roque? ROQUE?

  Roque : Clay... I'm sorry I threatened to cut your head off.

  Pooch : VERY good! Wow. Don't you two feel so much better?

  Clay , Roque : [in unison]  NO.

  Pooch : I don't give a shit. I say we go watch Jensen get himself killed, yeah?

• Max : [as Clay drives off his helicopter with a blast of machine gun fire]  That was my ride.

  Clay : Bummer.

• Roque : Gee, I hope they don't see us sitting in this bright yellow Pinto.

  Clay : Are you ashamed to be seen in an American classic?

• Roque : Come, on, Clay! Look around you. I mean, do you think we're in a position to actually take on some CIA super-spook?

  Clay : Roque...

  Roque : It's a hell of a plan. You know what? Pooch could set up over there by the taco stand, and Jensen could set up communications right there by the hookers.

• Clay : I knew you wouldn't shoot her.

  Roque : Not today...

• Roque : [riding in the bright yellow Pinto]  Hey, we are the seat belts, bro?

  Clay : We don't need seat belts, the G-forces will hold you in your seat.