The Losers (I) (2010)

Columbus Short: Pooch

Photos 

Quotes 

• Jensen : Legless Pooch and I are on it!

  Pooch : Call me 'Legless Pooch' again, and you're gonna be 'Headless Jensen'

  Jensen : I think it's a cool name, makes ya sound like a pirate.

  Pooch : Ya mama's a pirate.

• Jensen : [Aisha has the Losers in a Mexican standoff]  Ohhhh... shit. She's got a gun and... it's pointed at my dick. Clay, it's pointed at my dick!

  Pooch : Would you rather it was pointed at your face?

  Jensen : I know it makes no sense, but yes!

  [Aisha points her gun at Jensen's face] 

  Pooch : Better?

  Jensen : Not really...

  Clay : Where's your gun, Jensen?

  Jensen : It's in the van.

  Clay : What's it doing there?

  Jensen : Not... much.

  [Aisha rolls her eyes] 

  Roque : Will you two shut up?

  Jensen : Well, what if it was pointed at YOUR dick?

  [Aisha shoots Jensen in the arm] 

• Pooch : Oh my God, I'm the black MacGyver.

  [pause] 

  Pooch : BlaGyver!

• Clay : Pooch, can you stand?

  Pooch : Oh. Oh, this is Stupid Question Day. This is Stupid Question Day, and nobody decided to tell me! Naw, that's cool. It's all good.

  Jensen : Come on, Legless Pooch, I got ya.

• Jensen : Can you stand?

  Pooch : I've been shot in *both* of my legs. What kind of dumb-ass question is that, really?

  Jensen : So now we're Mister Grumpy-pants? You know, you're not the only one who got shot today.

• Jensen : Did you know that cats can make one thousand different sounds and dogs can only make ten? Cats, man. Not to be trusted.

  Pooch : You know what? Do me a favor - NEVER say that again.

• Pooch : Okay. You know that if we do this, we are waging a war against the Central Intelligence Agency.

  Cougar : They started it.

• Roque : Think you're thinking clear on this? Huh? 'Cuz every time we mess up, it's because of a woman.

  Clay : Name one time that I...

  Roque : Amber.

  Clay : Amber wasn't the problem, Amber's husband was the problem.

  Pooch : Amber's husband wasn't the one who shot you.

  Clay : It was only in the leg.

  Jensen : What about Emma?

  Clay : Emma doesn't count. I didn't sleep with Emma.

  Roque : No, because she put a bomb in your car!

  Clay : All right, I admit - that did take a little of the romance out of it.

• Pooch : The Pooch may lie, the Pooch may steal, the Pooch may...

  Jensen : The Pooch may refer to himself in the third person?

  Pooch : Occasionally, but the Pooch will not cheat.

  Jensen : The Pooch can relax. I was worried about Cougar.

  Pooch : Yeah, right, it's always the quiet ones.

• Aisha : [as their chopper is sprayed with .50 caliber machine gun fire]  WHOA! I though you said small arms weren't a problem.

  Pooch : That look like small arms to you? Huh? That's a cannon.

  Aisha : Doughnut.

  Pooch : That's a CANNON!

  Aisha : Doughnut doughnut DOUGHNUT!

  [Both scream as they graze a Dunkin' Donuts sign] 

  Aisha : Are you SURE you've done this before?

  Pooch : Okay. Right now? Not the time. Not the time right now.

  Clay : Pooch, what's your status?

  Pooch : Well, I'm completely irritated and possibly crashing.

• Pooch : [Finding a broken down yellow school bus in their search for an escape vehicle]  Ah!

  Jensen : No!

  Pooch : Yeah!

  Jensen : Really?

  Pooch : Why not!

  Jensen : Can you?

  Pooch : Of course!

• Pooch : All right, look. We're not going anywhere until you two squash this bullshit.

  Clay : Pooch, we're on a schedule here. Let's go.

  Pooch : [imitating Clay]  Oh, "we're on a schedule?"

  [Yanks the keys out the ignition, looks pointedly at Clay and Roque] 

  Clay : [sighs]  Roque... I'm sorry I hit you in the face.

  Pooch : [laughing]  Oh. That was good. That was good. Roque? ROQUE?

  Roque : Clay... I'm sorry I threatened to cut your head off.

  Pooch : VERY good! Wow. Don't you two feel so much better?

  Clay , Roque : [in unison]  NO.

  Pooch : I don't give a shit. I say we go watch Jensen get himself killed, yeah?

• [first lines] 

  Cougar : Sorry, I just can't give you that kind of information. I'll do anything else. I just can't do that. I can't betray my country. I won't. This country gave me everything.

  Cougar : Oh, God! Just keep him away from me. Please! Don't let him near me. Oh, no! Oh, God!

  Pooch : Come on, baby. Just relax into it. Let Godzilla do his thing.