Postal (2007)

Paulino Nunes: Asif

Quotes 

• [first lines] 

  Asif : Congratulations, Nabi. We are at the doorstep of our martyrdom.

  Nabi : Praise Allah.

  Asif : Praise him! Soon, we will be greeted by Allah, the one true god... and by the cheers of our fore fathers... and by ninety-nine perfect virgins who will worship us... for ALL eternity!

  Nabi : [pause]  I thought it was one hundred.

  Asif : What's that?

  Nabi : One hundred virgins. They promised me one hundred.

  Asif : Ninety-nine, one hundred. What's the difference?

  Nabi : If they're telling you one thing and they're telling me another, maybe they don't know for sure.

  Asif : Maybe... maybe the exact number of virgins is not precise.

  Nabi : I mean, if it's in the nineties, I can live with that.

  Asif : Or seventy-five.

  Nabi : And hey, I'm not greedy, but what if it's ten?

  Asif : [pause]  Well...

  Nabi : What if it's ten, but we had to split them between us?

  Asif : [smiles]  Then you'd have five more virgins than you have right now, right?

  Nabi : [serious]  We're talking about ETERNITY here! How long will five virgins last you? Maybe a month? But they're not going to be virgins for long, right?

  Asif : [pause]  Look, would it make it feel better if we called the big guy?

  Nabi : Yes.

  Asif : Take this, then.

  [Nabi grabs hold of the steering wheel as Asif calls Osama] 

  Asif : It's ringing... Osama, yes, it's Asif... No, we're on it... eh, it's fine, but security, it takes forever, you know.

  [chuckles] 

  Asif : What are you going to do? Anyway, look, Nabi has a question. Will you talk to him?

  Nabi : [Quietly]  No! You talk to him!

  [sighs and grabs the phone] 

  Nabi : Hello! Yes... uh, it's about the virgins... really? It was one hundred when I signed up!

  [groans, then to Asif] 

  Nabi : He says not that many anymore! Too many martyrs and not enough virgins to go around!

  Asif : You've got to be kidding! Does he know where we are here? Give me the phone!

  [Nabi hands over phone] 

  Asif : Osama, Asif. Right now, can you tell me the number, absolutely, you can guarantee, Nabi and myself, as far as virgins are concerned?

  [pause; gets a shocked look] 

  Asif : No, that's fine.

  [hangs up; to Nabi] 

  Asif : We can't get anymore than twenty!

  [Both are disappointed; long pause as the passengers are briefly heard banging on the cockpit door] 

  Asif : Screw this, right?

  Nabi : I'm glad you said it first!

  Asif : Okay, get on the intercom and tell them, "Passengers, we are changing course for the Bahamas!"

  Nabi : [Screaming with joy]  BAHAMAS!

  [Suddenly, the passengers break in and overwhelm Asif and Nabi] 

  Nabi : [We then see a window washer on the World Trade Center as the plane comes crashing into the building and the window washer] 

  [Title Card; POSTAL]