- Steffan Shawn: [B.A. almost knocks over a statue with a giant pizza box] Careless fool! This statue is worth over ten thousand dollars. It goes back to the Ming dynasty.
- "B.A." Baracus: I don't know about no Chinese food, all I know is somebody ordered a pizza, and somebody better pay for it.
- "Hannibal" Smith: Eh, this is Howling Mad Murdock, Templeton Peck and B.A. Baracus.
- Micky: Howling Mad? You got a temper problem or something?
- "Howling Mad" Murdock: Oh, no, no, no, actually, this is the guy here with the personality disorder.
- [indicating B.A]
- "Howling Mad" Murdock: I just consider myself on another plane from the mass populus, that's all.
- "B.A." Baracus: His plane crashed years ago and left him with no brains in his head.
- "B.A." Baracus: You know, Murdock, I do see something in your painting. There I am, standing over your dead body.
- "Howling Mad" Murdock: It's just a bunch of scribbled lines.
- H.M. Murdock: Can you guarantee me, that in a hundred years, after I'm gone, the name Murdock will be on parr with Rembrandt, Picasso, Van Gogh, Willie Mays?
- "Faceman" Peck: Eh, eh, Willie Mays?
- H.M. Murdock: Do you deny that Willie Mays was a great artist in center field?
- H.M. Murdock: Murdock does not shake hands. Murdock does not play sports. Murdock does not open canned foods. Murdock paints.
- Steffan Shawn: But while you're under contract to the gallery, this is your studio.
- H.M. Murdock: [shouting] You don't seem to understand! I need my studio. I trained inspiration to meet me at that studio. Now, how is it going to find me?
- Brooks: I've got a gun pointed right at your belly.
- "Hannibal" Smith: Well, I guess we're covered.
- Brooks: This whole thing was a set up wasn't it? The mansion, the painting, Murdock, too.
- "Hannibal" Smith: You're pretty quick. You watch a lot of gameshows, huh?
- Brooks: You know if I were three feet in front of a bullet, I don't think I'd be cracking so many jokes.
- "Faceman" Peck: At last! A case that doesn't require mosquito netting.
- "Hannibal" Smith: Oh, I don't know, Face, It's still a jungle out there on Rodeo Drive...
- Steffan Shawn: [to Tepper and Blair] You both deserve a bullet in your empty heads. I tell you to put a little pressure on the kid, you wind up putting him in a coma!