- "Hannibal" Smith: [Murdock is in a coffin, talking to himself] What is this all about?
- "Faceman" Peck: Oh, this is gonna be fun. He's making a movie, a classic little film called 'Closed for Remodeling'.
- "Hannibal" Smith: [Hannibal contemplates this as Murdock jabbers on inside the coffin] Well, that's already opened. I saw it on a theater marquee last week.
- "Faceman" Peck: Don't you do that to me, Hannibal, one lunatic in this outfit is enough!
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: [after finding out they're going to take a plane] You ain't gonna get me to eat, drink or swallow ANYTHING!
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [runs to front of the van bring back B.A.'s milk carton] Then I guess you don't want this last swallow of your milk.
- [realizes he's already been drugged. Raises his fist then passes out]
- "Faceman" Peck: [holding a Spanish-English dictionary] Oh, well now, this is encouraging...
- "Hannibal" Smith: Yeah?
- "Faceman" Peck: Yeah. 'El Cajon'. Spanish translation: 'The Coffin'.
- "Hannibal" Smith: What kind of a scunge heel would call himself 'The Coffin'?
- "Faceman" Peck: Well, probably the same kind that would call himself 'Hannibal'
- H.M. Murdock: Ladies and gentlemen, my name is H.M. Murdock. Better known in the theatrical capitals of the world as H.M.M, or hm-hmm. And I am the greatest director of cinema that has ever exposed a frame of film and I usually get what I want, so where are the two hundred lama wool sweaters that I need for the barbeque scene on the beach?
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I'm looking for a river guide named Little John.
- Churlisco: He died.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No kidding?, When did that happen?
- Churlisco: Tomorrow. And you're gonna beat him into the ground, unless you're gonna pack your bags and get outta here real fast.
- El Cajon: You are well armed, Señor.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Are you the jackass that calls himself 'The Coffin'?
- El Cajon: Yes Señor, El Cajon.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Mr. Coffin, please do not sweat. there is to be no sweating in my film.
- [throws him a towel]
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Here, wipe it off yourself.
- "Hannibal" Smith: And you're engaged to this Brian Lefcourt?
- Tawnia: Pre-engaged. We gave each other these St. Christophers. and when he got back from trying to find the lost treasure of Del Rio, we were going to be married.
- "Faceman" Peck: When did all this happen?
- Tawnia: Last month. When you guys were in South Carolina helping that old sheriff.
- "Hannibal" Smith: Okay, which one of these cabanas is yours? The one with the TV antenna, huh?
- El Cajon: The reception is muy malo. Get only Donald Duck on Saturday, without sound.
- "Hannibal" Smith: What a shame. Let's take a look.