- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: I really love Tarzana, I used to bring my girlfriends here and watch chimneys on factories smoke. And now, I have returned with a secret identity. I don't know... quite what it is yet, but I'm sure it will thrill and amaze us all.
- "Faceman": Oh, how I wish B.A. were here to shut you up.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [narrating his own fantasy] People all over the city look to the roads in awe and ask: What is happening? The answer is simple, Captain Cab has returned to Tarzana.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Hi, I'm Doctor Vern, veterinarian and this is my talking dog, Socky.
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: This is my talking fist. His name is Knock-out. Do you want to hear Knock-out speak?
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: No.
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: He's got a cape and mask in here, Hannibal. This dude is gonna drive around in a taxi with a cape and mack on.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: B.A., I want that back!
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: No cowl, Murdock? You were gonna do Captain Cab without a cowl?
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: Hannibal, I wanted a cowl, I really did, I just couldn't figure out how to make it.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Ah.
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: You shouldn't encourage him, Hannibal. He's getting worse. Now get out of here, Murdock! If I catch you a sheet around your neck again, or talking to your socks, I'm gonna split your personality, permanently!
- Miler Crane: Nobody works my neigborhood unless I let them.
- Thomas Hart: It's a free country.
- Miler Crane: It's a free country except where my cabs run.
- Kathy - Cab Driver: [about Crane] He's got more ex cons in his garage than they've got at terminal island.
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: I feel a new identity coming on, I feel it! Yes, from the front seat of his cab, with his faithful companions, Hannibal, Faceman and Amy, he will lead this war against injustice.
- "Faceman": I have a feeling I'm really gonna hate this one, Murdock.
- Deke Billings: Excuse me, this cab's out of service.
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: No it isn't!
- Deke Billings: Yes it is.
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: No it isn't!
- Deke Billings: Oh, you're a big one, aren't you?
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: Even more to the point, I'm a mean one, sucker!
- [picks Deke up and throws him clear over the car]
- Tina Lavelle: Where are you going?
- "Faceman": Oh, there's a little trouble over on Century. I'll let you out if you want.
- Tina Lavelle: And lose you? Not on your life, you big hunk.
- Cal Freeman: [Murdock has just done a sock puppet show] Are you sure he's okay? I mean, he doesn't seem quite normal.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: That sock is telling the truth.
- Crane's Bodyguard: You came to see Mr. Crane, you got five minutes. He's around back.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: I got to take my nephew Harold. He's a little retarded, but he is a nurse.
- "Faceman": Retarded?
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: And a notary public. If your boss and I make a deal, Harold can make things legal.
- "Faceman": Uncle Clarence...
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Shut up Harold. He's a good nurse, but he won't eat his supper unless we let him wear his football helmet
- "Faceman": Football helmet?
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: Ah, never should have mentioned it. See what I mean? Wanted to wear it out here today.
- Col. John "Hannibal" Smith: [Crane discovers the 'pacemaker' he's wearing is a tracking device, to Face] Harold! Did you tape the wrong device to me? No wonder I'm feeling so poorly!
- Sgt. Bosco "B.A." Baracus: [he and Murdock bust out of the van shooting at Crane and his men who are holding guns on Hannibal and Face] Drop them, or you're dead!
- Capt. H.M. "Howling Mad" Murdock: [as Captain Cab, tries to crack the safe and fails] Just one of those things that I haven't learned yet.
- [hooks up a plastic explosive]