- Pugsley Addams: When we grow up, we're all going to meet in Bulgaria and fight the gypsies from outer space.
- Mr. Hollister: [locked in the stockade] Look, uh... would you get me out if I give you a pair of genuine undercover man's handcuffs?
- Pugsley Addams: Nope. I already got a pair from a regular cop that was here once.
- Morticia Addams: Dear Mr. Hollister... We should send him something. I have it! Some of Mama's candied porcupine.
- Gomez Addams: Ah, the simple things are the best.
- Morticia Addams: Some strange things have been going on in this house, and we feel you ought to know about them.
- Gomez Addams: I'm going to have to have to make a citizens arrest.
- Morticia Addams: Wait a minute, darling. What if he isn't a citizen?
- Mr. Hollister: Oh, now look here! Of course I'm a citizen.
- Gomez Addams: Good! Then it's legal.
- Gomez Addams: Is that a walkie talkie?
- Mr. Conkey: [stuttering] Oh, this, oh, yeah, yeah, well this, yeah, yeah, this is a... walkie talkie...
- Morticia Addams: And whom were you walkie talkying to?
- Mr. Conkey: Oh, we-well I was t-talking to Plumbing Central. Sometimes you get into trouble and... you need help and boy do I need help!
- Gomez Addams: I wonder why we never hear from old Flubby any more?
- Morticia Addams: Simple, he can't write.
- Gomez Addams: I must tell him not to mix the plutonium with the uranium shipments. Otherwise, they'll never get here.
- Uncle Fester: Boy, that'll really knock the coconuts off the trees.