- [introduction]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is pacing around a small room with just a small bench in it] Good evening.
- Echo: Good evening.
- [Hitchcock looks up in annoyance]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [whispering] Good evening.
- [gestures to the camera to come closer, which it does]
- Alfred Hitchcock: Certain parties have been objecting to my candid remarks. So, I'm doing tonight's show from this sealed chamber. It's as quiet as a tomb. Which is not surprising...
- Echo: Good evening.
- Alfred Hitchcock: ...since it was the only type of structure available to switch it out...
- [stops in annoyance]
- Echo: Certain parties have been objecting to my candid remarks. So, I am doing tonight's show from this sealed chamber.
- [there is a slight pause and Hitchcock tries to speak again but the echo continues]
- Echo: Which is not surprising.
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock in annoyance at the echo] Are you quite finished?... Here, in a moment, is tonight's play. It is entitled "Crackpot."
- Echo: Are you quite finished?
- [Hitchcock shrugs and sits down, defeated]
- [first lines]
- Ray Loomis: Oh, what about that, huh?
- Meg Loomis: What about what?
- Ray Loomis: You get a honeymoon once in your life, and I have to get a flat tire.
- Meg Loomis: Do you mean me, darling?
- [afterword]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is standing and resting one leg on the bench] We wanted to withhold the end of that story, but decided it was better that you learn the truth about Ray Loomis now than later.
- [there is banging and someone punches a hole through the wall. Hitchcock peeks into it and turns back in alarm]
- Alfred Hitchcock: I knew it. It's the ITA. It's futile to try to escape. We shall be back soon with another play. Don't you try to escape. Good night.