- [introduction]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [Hitchcock is standing against a wall blindfolded with his hands tied behind him] Good evening. You will excuse me if I speak rapidly, but I haven't much time. I'm playing some idiotic children's game, and I'm supposed to stand against this wall, blindfolded, and with my hands tied behind me. While I'm standing here waiting for something to happen,
- [camera pulls out]
- Alfred Hitchcock: you may watch tonight's drama, "The Dangerous People." I shall join you later.
- [a machine gun fires bullets in a straight line across the wall but seemingly misses Hitchcock]
- Alfred Hitchcock: Thank you, but no more applause.
- [first lines]
- Bellefontaine: Oh, hello.
- Jones: Hello.
- Bellefontaine: [voice-over] It was foolish to hurry so. What's the matter with me? Now I'm out of breath. I'll stay here a minute to get my breath, or else he'll ask what's the matter, and I'll tell him it's asthma, and he'll tell me about how his wife had asthma, or his boss, or his cousin Wilbur.
- [afterword]
- Alfred Hitchcock: [rubbing his stomach in some discomfort] That's all for this evening. I think we shall be back another time with another story. Until then, good night.
- [walks away from the wall, revealing bullet holes directly behind where he stood]
- Ticket Agent: Say, do you know what a split personality is, mister? I'll bet ya don't. It's a person who's two different people, and neither one knows the other exists.
- Bellefontaine: My change, please.
- Ticket Agent: Oh, yeah, sure.
- Ticket Agent: [Hands over change] Did ya ever hear anything like that?
- Bellefontaine: Yes, I heard of it.