Alfred Hitchcock Presents (TV Series)

The Right Kind of House (1958)

Alfred Hitchcock: Self - Host

Photos 

Quotes 

• [introduction] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : [Hitchcock is standing with his hands in his pockets]  Good evening, fellow realtors and clients. I am very anxious to call your attention to the investment possibilities of our new subdivision, Pitted Hills.

  [Hitchcock points to his left, and walks over to a presentation screen with a picture of the moon, and lot signs in front of it marked "Choice Acreage" and "View Lots"] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : Naturally, it lacks other certain luxuries, but this is the price one pays for getting it on the ground floor. The sewers are not yet in. However, there are enough craters to go around. As for its lack of atmosphere and water, I don't expect that to deter those of you with a real pioneer spirit. Those of you with vision can, I'm sure, imagine the beautiful sight of the moon completely covered with the well known inexpensive Hitchcock homes, all with picture windows, giving everyone an unobscured view of his neighbour's picture window. Naturally, each home will be individualised, for there are seven different models to choose from, seven, mind you. Red, green, blue, orange, lemon, lime and the ever-popular chartreuse. For those of you who are budget-minded, we do have cheaper lots in the upper area.

  [points at top of picture] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : Very fine of course, if you like a lot that completely disappears at half-moon. Like our prologue, tonight's story touches on real estate. It begins immediately after this brief advertisement.

• [afterword] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : [Hitchcock is standing by a large telescope]  So much for life in these United States. Unfortunately, Mrs. Grimes' crime...

  [pauses to consider the rhyme] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : Mrs. Grimes' crime was discovered and her reputation ruined. Prior to this, she had never been known to make a bad glass of lemonade. Prices have gone sky-high on the moon, so I'm seeking land that isn't so close in. I think I shall have a look at Venus. Most of you seem too young, however, so I think you should look at something more wholesome. I suggest the following, after which I hope you'll rejoin me.

  [Hitchcock looks into the telescope leading up to the commercial, after which Hitchcock shows disappointment in what he's seen] 

  Alfred Hitchcock : Very dull. I couldn't see anything but a planet. I might as well have looked to the commercial, a practice I may take up at our next meeting. Until then, good night.