American Dad! (TV Series)

Con Heir (2005)

Daran Norris: Jack Smith

Quotes 

• Jack : [after Stan discovers his dad is a jewel thief, one-eyed Jack locks Stan in a cage so he can't turn him in]  Sorry son, but I can't go to prison. Do you have any idea what they'd do to my eye socket in there?

• Hayley Smith : So, you're a despicable CIA fascist like my father.

  Jack : No, dollface, I work for the Scarlet Alliance. It's more secret, more deadly, and everyone wears a turtleneck.

  Klaus : Sounds like a disco I used to frequent in Berlin. I did lines with Falco in the men's room. Greedy, greedy Falco.

• Jack : Now son, breaking in to a safe is like making love to a woman.

  Stan Smith : So, we should just pound on it for like two minutes?

• Stan Smith : I can't believe you would choose being a jewel thief over the two most important things, being a spy and your son's love.

  Jack : [pretending to be on the phone]  Hello French Riviera can I buy a shato with my sons love?

  Stan Smith : Yes, yes, we've all heard the bit.