- Stanley Smith: Damnit! This is all Francine's fault! She could have started the wave of laughter. Laughter is contagious, like Small Pox or Gay!
- Stan Smith: Ladies, ladies! You're both Mrs. Smith.
- Francine Smith: Stan, what the hell?
- Stan Smith: Surprise! I got us a second wife. You know, to help with cooking and cleaning. Her name's impossible to pronounce, so I just call her "Thundercat."
- Stan Smith: Francine, good news. I'm in charge of planning Bullock's party, which means you're in charge of planning Bullock's party.
- Hayley Smith: Bye, dad. We're going to see the new Michael Moore documentary.
- Stan Smith: Michael Moore... ? Oh, you mean Michael Bin Laden.
- Steve Smith: Come on, Hayley. You're going to the movies with Jeff, anyway. Just give me a ride.
- Hayley Smith: You know the rule.
- Steve Smith: [sighs] You're the most environmentally-conscious, self-actualized feminist in the world...
- Hayley Smith: And?
- Steve Smith: And I'm a douchebag.
- Stan Smith: Just because we're in Saudi Arabia doesn't mean it's not Wednesday!
- [Referring to Stan's obsession with the TV show "Lost"]
- Hayley Smith: Steve, come on! I'm supposed to meet the neighbor's son in 20 minutes!
- Steve Smith: You know the rule. Say it, and I'll escort you to the bazaar.
- Hayley Smith: [sighs] You're the manliest man in the history of manly men.
- Steve Smith: And?
- Hayley Smith: And when you're in your late 30s, you may have a chance at convincing a long-time female friend to have awkward pity-sex with you, once.
- Steve Smith: Aww yeah!
- Roger the Alien: I need a drink. Where's the booze?
- Hayley Smith: There is no booze. Saudi Arabia is a dry country.
- Roger the Alien: [pause] Seriously, where's the booze?
- Francine Smith: Oh, good, a Shwarma King. I'm starving. Pull over, Stan.
- Stan Smith: Are you insane? We're not stopping for their food. Next, you'll want to use their bathrooms, and I'll be damned if I'm gonna use their sandpapery toilet scrolls on my proud American button.
- Roger the Alien: Does this furniture polish have alcohol in it?
- [drinks it]
- Roger the Alien: Mmmmmm... tastes like I might die.