James Patrick Stuart: Keith

Quotes 

• Andy Richter : [narrating]  Byron and I were working on our latest project. it was a manual for the new Pickering non-valve-based high-pressure management system. Basically it's a hose, but don't tell the Navy.

  Keith Richards : [Keith enters the office]  Guys, there's a problem with our new manual. The Navy found our high-pressure management system at a garden supply store in hundred foot rolls.

• Byron Togler : That's Tracy, the minister's daughter. She's super nice.

  Andy Richter : Now I see why you've joined this religion. It's the same reason I campaigned for Dukakis.

  Byron Togler : Andy, you are cynical. I believe in Zumanism. Tracy is just coming over to help me study for my Zuminian. That's, that's the rite of passage where i will officially become a man.

  Keith Richards : Maybe you can become a man with Tracy. Or at least become a very sweaty boy.

  Byron Togler : I am so into her. But, unfortunately, it is against my religion to have sex for 3 months before my Zuminian.

  Andy Richter : Well, can't you get credit for the other 29 sexless years of your life?

  Byron Togler : [sarcastically]  Ha, ha, ha.

  [seriously] 

  Byron Togler : No. I asked.

• Jessica Green : Have you ever gone out with somebody you weren't attracted to?

  Keith Richards : [playing a racing game of his computer at work]  Oh, pumpkin, I'm sorry. You're beautiful. Anyone who doesn't see that is an idiot.

  Jessica Green : Keith, I'm not the unattractive one in this scenario.

  Keith Richards : That's the spirit.

• Byron Togler : [thoroughly depressed]  Do they sell meaning in a burger shop?

  Keith Richards : No, but sometimes there's a maze on the placemat.