- Mrs. Betty Slocombe: I just do simple cooking to my own taste. But you'll never see a dirty plate in my kitchen. And if there are any left-overs, my pussy gobbles them up in a flash!
- Canteen Manageress: [Referring to Mrs. Slocombe] And as for her, she looks like she's got a permanent smell under her nose.
- Mrs. Betty Slocombe: And the nearer you are, the stronger it gets!
- Mrs. Slocombe: [discussing how the world began] Apparently it all started out as thick soup, with little orgasms crawlin' 'round in it.
- [in the canteen kitchen, Mr. Humphries sees something on the floor, screams and leaps into Mrs. Slocombe's arms]
- Mrs. Slocombe: Was it a mouse, Mr. Humphries?
- Mr. Humphries: Don't be silly, Mrs. Slocombe. Only women are frightened of mice.
- Mr. Lucas: What was it?
- Mr. Humphries: A frog!
- Mrs. Betty Slocombe: Speaking for myself, and I am unanimous in this, I think they ought to get rid of the lot of them and get some decent staff in.
- Miss Shirley Brahms: Yeah, we could run that canteen better than what they does.
- Mrs. Betty Slocombe: "Do", Miss Brahms.
- Miss Shirley Brahms: Yeah, well, we could run the canteen better than what they does do!... That don't sound right, do it?
- Mrs. Betty Slocombe: It certainly don't, Miss Brahms.