Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
Cold Comfort (1974)
Frank Thornton: Captain Peacock
Photos
Quotes
-
Captain Peacock : Good morning Mrs Slocombe, Miss Brahms. You're one minute late.
Mrs. Slocombe : You're lucky to have me at all, Captain Peacock. I had to thaw me pussy out before I came. He'd been out all night.
-
Mr Humphries : [Captain Peacock is wearing a ski mask] Oh, it's the masked stranger. Take my body but leave my jewels alone.
Captain Peacock : Good morning, Mr. Humphries.
Mr Humphries : I withdraw the offer.
Captain Peacock : They're very useful for keeping out the cold.
Mr Humphries : Whatever has happened to the central heating in here? My ballpoint'll never function in this weather.
-
Mr. Dick Lucas : I'm sorry I'm late, Captain Peacock.
Captain Peacock : Don't tell me you skated here, Mr. Lucas?
Mr. Dick Lucas : No, no, I went skating last night with a girlfriend and she's got thin blood.
Captain Peacock : What has that to do with your being late?
Mr. Dick Lucas : Well I had to stay the night with her, to keep her circulation going, you know.
-
Miss Shirley Brahms : Ooh, d'you know I wish I put on my thicker knickers this morning.
Captain Peacock : You know, you young girls today don't wear enough clothes.
Miss Shirley Brahms : And how would you know?
Captain Peacock : Well, I keep warm with this. See? The commando's used to wear them during the war. You'd do well to do the same.
Miss Shirley Brahms : What? String knickers? You must be joking.
Mrs. Slocombe : Well I think it's ridiculous expecting us to fit a customer with a bra in this weather.
-
Mrs. Slocombe : Captain Peacock, are you free?
Captain Peacock : At the moment, yes.
Mrs. Slocombe : Could I have a word with you?
Captain Peacock : Certainly.
Mrs. Slocombe : Well, it's rather personal.
Captain Peacock : Ah.
Mrs. Slocombe : Miss Brahms has just been and it's frozen over.
Captain Peacock : I beg your pardon?
Mrs. Slocombe : The ladies. It's solid.
Captain Peacock : I see. But what exactly do you expect me to do about it?
Mrs. Slocombe : Well, I thought I'd ask you if umm... we could use the gents. It's rather urgent.
Captain Peacock : Yes, well, I'll uh have a word with Mr. Grainger. You must go through the right channels, you know.
Mrs. Slocombe : Yeah, well, don't be too long.
[Miss Brahm's mouths "But it's cold"]
Captain Peacock : Are you free, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Err, yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.
Captain Peacock : Umm, a slightly delicate situation has arisen. It appears...
[whispers what has had happened into Mr. Grainger's ear]
Mrs. Slocombe : He's asking Grainger.
Miss Shirley Brahms : Oh, fancy telling Grainger I wanted to go.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Yes, I understand, Captain Peacock. Of course, I shall have to consult my colleagues. Mr. Humphries, Mr. Lucas, are you free?
Mr Humphries , Mr. Dick Lucas : [both together] We're free.
Mrs. Slocombe : Ooh, he'll be sending for Doctor Kissinger in a minute.
Miss Shirley Brahms : It's degrading. He's telling them all now.
Mr. Dick Lucas : Why can't she use the one in the bargain basement?
Mr Humphries : Yes, or the public one on the sports floor?
-
Captain Peacock : Are you free, Mr. Humphries?
Mr Humphries : Err... I'm free, Captain Peacock.
Captain Peacock : Good. We mustn't keep the customer waiting.
-
Captain Peacock : [about the toilet] Mrs. Slocombe, it's free if you want to go.
-
Captain Peacock : Are you being served, Sir?
Footwarmers Customer : I'd like to look at some trousers, please.
Captain Peacock : One moment, Sir.
-
Captain Peacock : Are you free, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.
Captain Peacock : How long have we been displaying electrical equipment in the Cardinal Woolsey cabinet?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Are you free, Mr. Humphries?
Mr Humphries : I'm afraid I am, Mr. Grianger. Mr. Lucas is free too.
Mr. Dick Lucas : Thank you.
-
Young Mr. Grace : Good morning, everybody.
Captain Peacock , Mrs. Slocombe , Mr Humphries , Mr. Dick Lucas , Miss Shirley Brahms , Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold , Mr. Ernest Grainger : Good morning, Mr. Grace.
Young Mr. Grace : I think you've all done very well, working in these cold conditions.
Captain Peacock , Mrs. Slocombe , Mr Humphries , Mr. Dick Lucas , Miss Shirley Brahms , Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold , Mr. Ernest Grainger : Thank you, Mr. Grace.
-
Young Mr. Grace : Carry on. You've all done very well.
Captain Peacock , Mrs. Slocombe , Mr Humphries , Mr. Dick Lucas , Miss Shirley Brahms , Mr. Ernest Grainger , Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Thank you, Mr. Grace.
-
[last lines]
Mrs. Slocombe : Actually, I have a confession to make. I took the liberty of having a little nip of something to keep me warm.
Captain Peacock : I wouldn't have minded a drop myself, Betty.
Mrs. Slocombe : Be my guest, Stephen. It's secreted in the perfume display.
Captain Peacock : How ingenious?
[laughs]
Mrs. Slocombe : [picks up the wrong perfume bottle] Open your mouth.
Captain Peacock : As there are no customers around.
Mrs. Slocombe : This'll put the roses back in your cheeks.
Captain Peacock : [Mrs. Slocombe sprays perfume in Captain Peacock's mouth] Agh! Ooh!
-
Mr. Dick Lucas : A bit taters in here this morning, innit?
Captain Peacock : You needn't concern yourself with the heat, Mr. Lucas. Mr. Rumbold is going to make an announcement about that in a few moments.
Mr. Dick Lucas : Oh, well, we've got nothing to worry about then, have we? The shear excitement of an announcement by Mr. Rumbold is sending the blood pounding through my temples already.
Mr Humphries : That's not excitement, that's a hangover.
-
Captain Peacock : [after a lengthy and embarrassing consultation with the Men's Department on whether Miss Brahms can use their toilet since the one in the ladies department is frozen and unusable] They've agreed.
Mrs. Slocombe : There you are, Miss Brahms!
Miss Shirley Brahms : I don't want to go, now.
-
Mr. Mash : [whispering] Nice hot cup of cocoa, Captain?
Captain Peacock : [reaches for cup, then hesitates] Leave the floor.
Mr. Mash : I'll leave one round the back for you.
Captain Peacock : I didn't hear that.
Mr. Mash : [shouts] I said I'd leave one round the back for you!