Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
Dear Sexy Knickers... (1973)
Arthur Brough: Mr. Grainger
Photos
Quotes
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[Captain Peacock is reading out a saucy letter sent accidentally by one of them to Mrs Slocombe]
Mr. Humphries : Mr. Grainger wouldn't say, "Dear Sexy Knickers." He'd say "Dear Sexy Bloomers." Wouldn't you? Wouldn't you, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : I very much doubt it.
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The 40" Waist : Aren't the sleeves a bit long?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : No, I think those will ride up with wear, Sir. Don't you agree, Mr. Humphries?
Mr. Humphries : They'll definitely ride up, Mr. Granger.
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The 40" Waist : [trying on a new shirt] It seems to be shorter at the front, than at the back.
Mr. Humphries : Ah, that's because you're standing upright, Sir. One does tend to do that when one is trying on new garments.
The 40" Waist : Really?
Mr. Humphries : Oh, yes, Sir. Yes. You see, if I stand upright like this, well, I'm up at the front, aren't I Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : You certainly are, Mr. Humphries.
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Captain Stephen Peacock : Are you free, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : [looks about him] Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.
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Captain Stephen Peacock : Mr. Humphries, are you free?
Mr. Humphries : [looks about him] Yes, at the moment.
Captain Stephen Peacock : Ask Mr. Grainger, if he's free, to step this way.
Mr. Humphries : Excuse me. Are you free, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : [looks about him] Yes, I'm free, Mr. Humphries.
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Captain Stephen Peacock : Do you encourage your assistants to try to stretch trousers when they don't fit?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Most certainly not. Do we, Mr. Humphries?
Mr. Humphries : Certainly not, Mr. Grainger. We give them the same pair back, and say we found a larger size.
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Mr. Ernest Grainger : Correct me if I'm wrong, Mr. Lucas, but do I understand that you got Mrs. Slocombe into trouble in the lift yesterday, and you had an affair with her this morning in her department?
Mr. Dick Lucas : I'm sorry to disappoint you, but yes, you're wrong!
Mr. Humphries : Oh, what a pity. I thought things were going to liven up a bit.
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Mr. Humphries : Is everything all right, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Some lady says she wants to have me on the carpet.
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Captain Stephen Peacock : Are you free, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.
Captain Stephen Peacock : Mr. Humphries?
Mr. Humphries : Yes, I'm free, Captain Peacock.
Captain Stephen Peacock : Is Mr. Lucas free?
Mr. Humphries : I think he's going to be free for a very long time.
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Captain Stephen Peacock : Now, I have here, a billhead from this department, on which is written, "Dear sexy knickers, I don't half fancy you. Meet me outside at half past five and we'll get it together." Now, it is my duty as head of this department to ask each of you if you wrote this note. Mr. Grainger, did you write it?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : I don't even understand it.
Mr. Humphries : Mr. Grainger wouldn't say "dear sexy knickers." You'd say "dear sexy bloomers," wouldn't you?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : I very much doubt it.
Captain Stephen Peacock : Mr. Humphries, did you write this note?
Mr. Humphries : No. But thanks for the compliment.
Captain Stephen Peacock : Well, in view of those two denials, I can only come to one conclusion.
Mr. Dick Lucas : [laughing nervously] Shall I leave now, or work till five-thirty?