Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
His and Her's (1973)
Mollie Sugden: Mrs. Slocombe
Photos
Quotes
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : [signing in at work] Good morning, Captain Peacock. You're rather later than customary, are you not?
Captain Peacock : Well, apart from one or two other things, I had to get my wife off.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Off what?
Captain Peacock : Off on the train, Mrs. Slocombe.
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Mr. Ernest Grainger : [Mr. Rumbold has just informed the staff that Mr. Grainger's central trouser display was removed to make way for a new perfume display]
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Do you mean we're going to sell scent?
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Yes, you could put it like that.
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Well, if it's scent, why don't you clear some counter space in the ladies' department?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Precisely. Mrs. Slocombe is already displaying far too much underwear.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Are you suggesting, Mr. Grainger, that I should remove my underwear and put perfume there instead?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Are you suggesting that I should remove my trousers and put perfume there instead?
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Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I must point out that this is... a boardroom decision, and that the perfume in question is going to be on sale to both sexes, under the brand name of His and Hers.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Well, I'm not going to sell Her's, and I refuse to have anything to do with His.
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Captain Peacock, I'm surprised at you. You, a happily married man.
Captain Peacock : Ah, would that be true.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Oh, not another one.
Captain Peacock : After fourteen years, you don't know what it's like.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : I didn't know what it was like after seven.
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Are you free, Captain Peacock?
Captain Peacock : [looks about him] At the moment, Mrs. Slocombe.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : This is the salesgirl from the scent people.
[gestures at the attractive Miss French]
Captain Peacock : [walks over, grabs Miss French's hand, and smiles broadly] Good morning. May I welcome you most cordially to Grace Brothers!
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Oh, blimey...
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Miss French : Excuse me, where's your changing room?
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : May I enquire what purpose you want to know for?
Miss French : I want to change.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : I'm sorry. Our rooms are not staff.
Miss French : Thank you for your help.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : It was a pleasure.
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : It says what?
Miss Shirley Brahms : It says, "With every bottle of Hers, you get a free pair of stockings".
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : This thing must be stamped on, right now!
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Captain Peacock : I'm just trying to think of the best way of handling it.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Tell her to push off!
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : You've got to put something under them to get them going.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : I've found that myself, lately.
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Mr. Ernest Grainger : "Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?".
Mr. Lucas : I beg your pardon, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Mr. Grainger's quoting from "Henry II", when he wanted to bump off Beckett.
Miss Shirley Brahms : Oh, not my nice Mr. Beckett from Hardware?
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : No, no, no. Mr. Grainger played Beckett in Grace Brothers' production of "Murder In The Cathedral".
Mr. Lucas : I'm sorry I missed that.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Mr. Grainger was very good, in spite of his gammy leg.
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : He fell of the cathedral steps, and Mr. Rumbold and the lads had to murder him in the front row of the stalls.
Mr. Ernest Grainger : It was a very good round of applause.
Miss Shirley Brahms : [about Miss French] Are you suggesting then that we should stab her in the staff canteen?
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Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Please, please, please! Let's marshal all our facts, and find out precisely why this young lady left. Now, first of all, whose finger was it on the button that ruined the tape?
Captain Peacock : Well, it was my finger, but it...
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : No, no, no, no. Just the facts. Now, how did the other voice come into it?
Mr. Lucas : Well, I was talking through my hat, Sir.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Could you be more explicit?
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Well, there was a microphone in his hat, Sir.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : I see. Why?
Mr. Lucas : Ah, well... You see, Mr. Grainger said, "Will no one rid me of this meddlesome priest?".
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Did you say that, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Well, actually, Henry the Second said it.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Perhaps I can explain. It wasn't Mr. Grainger who said it in the play, it was Becket. You remember, Mr. Rumbold, he got stabbed in the orchestra stalls.
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : That's why he got such a good round of applause.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Now, I may be dense... but has the play got to do with this girl leaving?
Mr. Lucas : Ah, well, you see, Mr. Grainger drew our attention to the fact that Henry the Second wanted to get rid of Becket.
Mr. Cuthbert Rumbold : Becket?
Miss Shirley Brahms : Not Beckett from Hardware, no.
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Captain Peacock : I would like to state at this point, that I had no hand in the girl's departure.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : I should think not, with your eyes glued to her garters.
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Mr. Granger's trousers are missing, and so is the central display stand.
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : I noticed as soon as I came in, didn't I, Mr. Lucas?
Mr. Lucas : Oh yes you did, Mr. Humphries. Yes, "My goodness," you said, "it's gone!" you said. "What?" I said. "Mr. Grainger's center display stand," you said. "Oh dear!" I said. "My goodness, Mr. Grainger will have a fit when he sees it," you said.
[Mr. Granger walks in, gasping with shock]
Mr. Lucas : And you were right.