Are You Being Served? (TV Series)

It Pays to Advertise (1977)

Trevor Bannister: Mr. Lucas

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mr. Humphries : Now, where were you?

  Mr. Lucas : I was telling you about this bird.

  Mr. Humphries : Oh, yes. That's right, yes, because your mother's got a new battery for her deaf aid and you had to spend the night at your girlfriend's digs.

  Mr. Lucas : Well, we crept in the back door, took our shoes off, and tiptoed upstairs. You see, her landlady won't let her have men in the room after eleven o'clock.

  Mr. Humphries : Oh, I had one like that.

  Mr. Lucas : We opened the door, and she said, "Don't switch the light on, it clicks." I held my breath and crept towards the bed.

  Mr. Humphries : Ooh, the suspense!

  Mr. Lucas : I was just about to sit down, she said, "Don't sit down there, she'll hear the springs."

  Mr. Humphries : It's just like "Mission: Impossible."

  Mr. Lucas : So anyway, we sat down on the rug,

  Mr. Humphries : What happened then?

  Mr. Lucas : Well, I looked at her and she looked at me, and after five minutes she said, "What are you waiting for?"

  Mr. Humphries : Well, what were you waiting for?

  Mr. Lucas : Well, I was a bit nervous in case she had a noisy bra catch. Anyway, before we knew where we were, it was bang bang bang.

  Mr. Humphries : Ooh! Well, all's well that end's well.

  Mr. Lucas : No, that was the landlady knocking on the door. Cool as a cucumber, I picked up the television set and walked straight out, and I said in a very loud voice, "Don't worry, madam, I'll fix your vertical hold by Thursday."

  Mr. Humphries : Did you get away with it?

  Mr. Lucas : I would have done if I'd been wearing my trousers.

• Mr. Lucas : [Mrs. Slocombe's wireless microphone has gotten lost inside her dress]  It slipped right down, Mr. Harman!

  Mr. Harry Harman : Well, it can't have gone all that far. Tell her to speak up a bit. And while you're at it, ask Captain Peacock for a voice test. I want to try and get him on the same radio mic.

  Mr. Humphries : Say the next line.

  Captain Peacock : [to Mrs. Slocombe]  Er... Your face seems very familiar.

  Mr. Harry Harman : It's very faint, get closer.

  Mr. Lucas : Closer.

  Captain Peacock : [steps closer]  Your face seems very familiar.

  Mr. Harry Harman : Closer.

  Mr. Lucas : Closer.

  Captain Peacock : [hesitates, then moves even closer and brings his head directly over Mrs. Slocombe's cleavage]  Your face seems very familiar.

  Mr. Lucas : How's that?

  Mr. Harry Harman : Like somebody yelling down a lift shaft.