Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
Our Figures Are Slipping (1973)
Wendy Richard: Miss Brahms
Photos
Quotes
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Mrs. Slocombe : Before we go any further, Mr. Rumbold, Miss Brahms and I would like to complain about the state of our drawers. They're... They're a positive disgrace.
Mr. Rumbold : Your what, Mrs. Slocombe?
Mrs. Slocombe : Our drawers. They're sticking. It's always the same in damp weather.
Mr. Rumbold : Really?
Mrs. Slocombe : Miss Brahms could hardly shift hers at all just now.
Mr. Lucas : [laughing] No wonder she was late.
Mrs. Slocombe : They sent up a man who put beeswax on them, but that made them worse.
Mr. Rumbold : I'm not surprised.
Miss Brahms : I think they need sandpapering.
Mr. Rumbold : Would that help, do you think, Peacock?
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Well, you see, I puff French chalk on mine, and they're as smooth as silk.
Mr. Lucas : Perhaps you could puff some French chalk over Mrs. Slocombe's.
Mr. Rumbold : Would that solve your problem, Mrs. Slocombe?
Mrs. Slocombe : They ought to be changed. I've had them ever since I've been here!
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Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : [Mr. Grainger is snoring on his chair] Poor old soul, he's been on his feet all day. He probably goes to sleep about this time on the train.
Captain Stephen Peacock : Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Rumbold : Mr. Grainger?
Miss Brahms : Mr. Grainger?
Mrs. Slocombe : Miss Brahms! Mr. Grainger?
Miss Brahms : Baldy?
Mr. Rumbold : One hesitates to lay hands on him. Still...
Mr. Lucas : Oh no, no, no. I wouldn't if I were you, Mr, Rumbold. No, no. Just think. Sudden shock, heart attack, kicks the bucket. News Of The World: "Aged Worker Dies At Hands Of Overseer". That wouldn't look good for Grace Brothers.
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Excuse me, Captain Peacock. I think I know what to do.
[coughs]
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Are you free, Mr. Grainger?
Mr. Ernest Grainger : Yes, I'm free, Mr. Humphries.
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Captain Stephen Peacock : Mrs. Slocombe, do you feel like having cocoa and buns, now?
Mrs. Slocombe : I never feel like having cocoa and buns. If I'd known the firm was going to be so stingy, I'd have gone out and had a Wimpy cheeseburger.
Mr. Rumbold : I believe there's some cheese in the buns.
Miss Brahms : I don't like cheese.
Mr. Lucas : There's not very much cheese in the buns.
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Miss Brahms : Sorry I'm late, Captain Peacock.
Captain Stephen Peacock : That's all right, Miss Brahms.
Mr. Lucas : Oh, it's all right for her, is it?
Captain Stephen Peacock : She has been powdering her nose.
Mr. Lucas : Well, why is it so shiny then?
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Miss Brahms : Honestly, it's the limit. They don't consider your private life at all.
Mrs. Slocombe : Did you have a date?
Miss Brahms : No, but I might have had.
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Miss Brahms : What a load of old codswallop this is.
Mr. Lucas : Why, are you going out tonight?
Miss Brahms : No.
Mr. Lucas : How about coming out to the pictures, with me, then?
Miss Brahms : What's on?
Mr. Lucas : Well, there's "Bambi" at Studio 2, and then round the corner, there's "The Unsatisfied Virgin".
[pause]
Mr. Lucas : I've seen "Bambi".
Miss Brahms : Forget that. By the time Rumbold's finished rabbitting on, the virgin will have been satisfied, and they'll all have gone home.
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Miss Brahms : What a pity, your ear holes aren't a bit bigger.
Mr. Lucas : Why?
Miss Brahms : 'Cause then you could shove a toothbrush in them and clean that filthy mind of yours.