Are You Being Served? (TV Series)
The Hand of Fate (1975)
Mollie Sugden: Mrs. Slocombe
Photos
Quotes
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : [to Mr. Grainger, Mr. Humphries, Miss Brahms and Mr. Lucas] Y'know, animals are very psychic. I mean the least sign of danger, and my pussy's hair stands on end like a golliwog!
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Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : [reading Mrs Slocomb'e palm] Oh, you have a very pronounced Mount of Venus!
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Mr. Lucas, one sarky remark from you, I go straight to Captain Peacock!
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[first lines]
Mr. Mash : 'Ere.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : I do not answer to "'ere", Mr. Mash.
Mr. Mash : Alright, then. - Oi!
[blows raspberry]
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : What is it, Mr. Mash?
Mr. Mash : Did you put in an order for twenty seven galvanized buckets?
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : And what would I be doing in Ladies' department with twenty seven galvanised buckets? This is Ladies' department, not a farmyard.
Mr. Mash : Well you could be milking a jersey.
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Are you being served, Madam?
Lady Customer : No. I'd like to try one of these Princess Anne hats, please.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Certainly, Madam. They've just come in.
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Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : [to Mrs. Slocombe] Well, I used to have these funny turns, you see. When I was fifteen, I had the sensation of floating out of my body and looking down at myself lying in bed in my pyjamas.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : What were you doing?
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : Nothing. I was just lying there.
Miss Shirley Brahms : Ooh, isn't it creepy?
Mr. Wilberforce Clayborne Humphries : I've learned to do it at will since then. I can pop out of my body whenever I like.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Oh, I wish I could.
Mr. Dick Lucas : If I had a body like hers, I wouldn't come back.
[Mrs. Slocombe stands and glares at him]
Mr. Dick Lucas : I'm sorry, Mrs. Slocombe. Just a joke. Just a joke, Mrs. Slocombe.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : When I first joined Grace Brothers, juniors weren't allowed to sit with the seniors.
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Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Are you free, Captain Peacock?
Captain Stephen Peacock : At the moment, Mrs. Slocombe.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Well, it's like this, Stephen. If you do take over from Mr. Rumbold, that would leave your position here vacant, would it not?
Captain Stephen Peacock : That is true, yes.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : And I am sure you will take over, because with your military background and your big forefinger, you're born to lead.
Captain Stephen Peacock : Yes, I suppose advancement was inevitable.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : And I suppose it will be up to you to recommend someone to take your place.
Captain Stephen Peacock : No doubt it will.
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : Well, I think that it's time that we had a change of sex on the floor.
Captain Stephen Peacock : Do I understand that you're recommending Mr. Humphries?
Mrs. Betty Slocombe : [laughs] No, no, no, no, no. I'm recommending me.