- Jessie Bowers: [to George Michael] Daddy lost his shot at happy, and it's all your fault, Opie.
- Narrator: Jessie had gone too far, and she had best watch her mouth.
- Man at Bar: You're married to Carl Weathers? Shit!
- Lindsay Bluth Fünke: [about the Milford Academy] Buster was the only one who ever liked it.
- Narrator: Buster so excelled at being neither seen nor heard that he remained at the school a full two semesters after he was supposed to graduate.
- Lucille: Your sister and I tried to get into that new restaurant, Rud, and they wouldn't let us in.
- [Flashback]
- Maitre'D: Mrs. Bluth, there's absolutely no room.
- Lindsay Bluth Fünke: Come on. I've suddenly lost my appetite.
- Lucille: Oh, who's going to believe that?
- Narrator: With her blood sugar at a perilous low, Lucille made Lindsay pull into the nearest restaurant.
- Waitress: Welcome to Klimpy's! Anywhere you like!
- Lucille: [to Lindsay] This does not bode well.
- [after they're seated, to waitress]
- Lucille: I'll have the Ike and Tina Tuna.
- Waitress: Plate or platter?
- Lucille: I don't understand the question, and I won't respond to it.
- Waitress: And what would you like?
- Lindsay Bluth Fünke: I want my old life back.
- Tobias Fünke: [reading a script with terrible acting] "I don't know what you heard about me, but I'm a different kind of cop. I'm from the streets, and I'm the last cop you'll ever want to mess with in a darkened al - dark alley
- [drops the act]
- Tobias Fünke: Oh, you know, maybe my wife is right. I'm not cut out to be a DeNiro, or a Regis, or a Pinkett-Smith. I shou...
- Carl Weathers: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Tobias, listen to me. Dreams are worth fighting for. Now, are you gonna be an actor, or are you gonna be a doctor?
- Tobias Fünke: You're right, Carl Weathers! I should just march into that restaurant where my wife works and...
- Carl Weathers: Whoa, your wife works in a restaurant? Do they get free shift meals or a discount on select menu items?
- Tobias Fünke: Uh, I don't know.
- Carl Weathers: Well, let's find out, man!
- Jessie Bowers: [George Sr. has just become a devout Jew] Your father is religious now?
- Michael: Yeah.
- Jessie Bowers: We'll play that up, it's very sympathetic.
- Lucille: Yeah, who doesn't love the Jews?
- George Michael Bluth: You know, I have a job.
- Tobias Fünke: [coughing] Kiss ass... well we were all thinking it.
- Buster: Uh, I'm unclear about what it is exactly you do...
- Jessie Bowers: Excellent question, what a publicist does is...
- Buster: No, no, no I was talking to George Michael. When did you get a job?
- George Michael Bluth: At the banana stand.
- Buster: Oh! Duh! I thought you meant like a plumber or something and I was like 'when did that happen?'
- Lindsay Bluth Fünke: [reading the article] "Lindsay's a combative, entitled princess"? I should hire someone to kick your ass for that!
- Michael: Save your money.
- Lindsay Bluth Fünke: You're right, I'll do it myself.
- Michael: We're through. I don't want my son reading any more articles in the paper about us.
- Jessie Bowers: Oh your son, stop using him as an excuse for everything you do. I told him that he was getting in the way of your happiness.
- Michael: You said that to my son? You're on your own. Ladies...
- [a riot breaks out in the restaurant]
- Gob Bluth: I'm sorry. Isn't Michael the least likable one in the family?
- Jessie: No. There are very few intelligent, attractive, and straight men in this town.
- Tobias Fünke: Well, that certainly leaves me out.
- [the family stares at him]
- Tobias Fünke: She... She said single. You did say single, correct? I thought l...
- George Bluth Sr.: [via satellite from prison] Some of my students are arguing the significance of the shank bone on the Seder plate. But we do NOT wag our genitals at one another to make a point!
- Michael: Thought provoking.
- Narrator: Michael Bluth was taking his son to an interview at the prestigious Milford Academy, an institution once famous for its credo that children should be "neither seen nor heard".
- George Bluth Sr.: [via satellite from prison, his teachings have started a riot] Hanukkah can be spelled so many ways, oh GOD!