Arrested Development (TV Series)

Shock and Aww (2004)

Jason Bateman: Michael Bluth

Quotes 

• Lucille Bluth : Michael, the little Korean is here, and I don't know what to do with him. At least I think it's a him. You've got to strip them down to next to nothing before you could even tell.

  Michael Bluth : Yeah. Mom, I just spoke to Social Services and, although they don't like to do this, if you can prove that it's a bad environment for a child - and I would suggest saying what you just said to me, don't change a word - they will take him back.

• [Michael reveals that George Michael has a crush on Beth] 

  Beth Baerly : He knows we're going out. He saw me this morning

  Michael : No, no, I covered that. I told him that you slept with my brother.

  Beth Baerly : That may be the most unethical thing I've ever heard.

  Michael : Well, you've only been doing this half a semester. Look, it was a preemptive strike. My brother would have *tried* to sleep with you.

• Michael : I'm afraid that I'll have to stop seeing you.

  [she giggles, thinking it's a joke] 

  Michael : I mean, I've enjoyed our time together, but I...

  Beth Baerly : You're serious? This isn't one of your "wife died" jokes?

  Michael : No, I'm afraid this is serious.

• Michael : [after the PTA meeting]  Right and wrong. How can one thing be right and the other be wrong? I guess that's the

  [growl] 

  Michael : of it.

  Beth Baerly : [in high spirits]  Yeah. They just kinda threw this class at me after Mr. Daniel's had a stroke.

  Michael : [laughs]  I had him! That's someth... Well, how is he?

  Beth Baerly : Oh, well, he... had a stroke.

  Michael : Oh, I thought you were kidding.

  Beth Baerly : No, I was just laughing 'cause you were laughing.

  Michael : Oh.

  [beat] 

  Michael : [growl] 

  [they both laugh] 

  Michael : Let me ask you an ethical question. Is it ethical to ask a teacher out for a drink?

  Beth Baerly : I don't know. Is there a wife?

  Michael : Yeah, but she's dead.

  Beth Baerly : [laughing over the "joke"]  Have you ever married?

  Michael : Yeah. She died.

  Beth Baerly : Oh, I'm sorry. Why are we laughing?

  Michael : I don't know. It's... Mr. Daniel's stroke all over again.

  [nervous laughing] 

  Michael : Let's go get that drink.

  Beth Baerly : Yeah.

  Michael : [growl] 

• Michael : Hey, Linds, is it my imagination, or does this rape room have the same floor plan as our kitchen?

• Lucille : I'm having a problem with Buster.

  Michael : Oh, we can just flip the mattress over and pretend like it never happened.