- George Bluth Sr.: Michael, do you have any idea what it's like to have a sibling who has no source of income except for you?
- Michael Bluth: Just one? No, I don't. It sounds wonderful, though.
- Wife of Gob: I'm in love with your brother-in-law.
- Gob: You're in love with your own brother, the one in the army.
- Wife of Gob: No, your sister's husband.
- Gob: Michael? Michael!
- Wife of Gob: No, that's your sister's brother.
- Gob: No, I'm my sister's brother. You're in love with me. Me.
- Wife of Gob: I'm in love with Tobias.
- Gob: My brother-in-law?
- Wife of Gob: I know it can never be. So I'm leaving and enlisting in the army.
- Gob: To be with your brother.
- Wife of Gob: No.
- Lucille: Oh I seem to remember a certain young man who completely fell apart two weeks ago when I taped over the Nova special with the girl he liked on it.
- Michael Bluth: That was Buster. And that's my point.
- Tobias Fünke: I'm afraid that this offer comes off the table at midnight.
- Michael: That may be the worst bluff I've ever heard.
- Narrator: Even the members of Gobias industries agreed on that one.
- Michael: You don't want to end up like Uncle Oscar, okay- living off handouts your whole life. Why don't you come up with a way to make money? A suggestion of something to invest in, or maybe a business idea.
- Tobias Fünke: Well, I've always wanted to remake Annie Hall. Except, I wouldn't want to get in bed with a green producer like a Sofia Coppola though. Oh, but give me an old pro like a Robert Redford. Oh, I'd jump into bed with him in a second. And I wouldn't just lie there, Michael Bluth, if that's what you're thinking.
- Michael: Actually, that time, that was what I was thinking.
- Mae "Maeby" Fünke: You know that secret you have? The one about the hair that nobody is suppose to see?
- George-Michael Bluth: [uncomfortable] uh...
- Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I saw it.
- George-Michael Bluth: [more uncomfortable] oh...
- Mae "Maeby" Fünke: I saw pop-pop.
- George-Michael Bluth: [relieved] Oh right! Pop-pop with hair.
- Tobias Fünke: I just need to prove to my wife that I can act like a man. And it's not about sex. I don't just lie there, if that's what you're thinking.
- Michael: That's not what I WAS thinking...