- Bob: Mr. Mayor, somebody's been writing dirty jokes on the wall of the public privy.
- Mayor Fletcher: Aha. And you want me to instruct the marshal to catch who's doing it?
- Bob: No, I want you to put in a window, it's too dark to read in there.
- Parker Tillman: This town has done just fine without a jail so far.
- Elvira Best: Eh, no it hasn't!
- [stands up]
- Parker Tillman: Oh, here comes Mrs. Selfish.
- Marshal Sam Best: Well, bars seem okay, how 'bout that hole?
- Frog Rothchild Jr.: I've looked at it from the inside and I looked at it from the outside, and it's just the way I figured: goes all the way through.
- Daniel Best: Dad, when you got up there in front of all those people and told the truth, I said to myself: 'That's my dad, a big man... making a big mistake'.