- Marshal Sam Best: [posing as Patch Beaudrey] Yes sir, I sure do enjoy rustlin'. But there's one thing I enjoy more, is framin' people. Yeah, some of the happiest days of my life were spent framing people for rustlin'.
- Daniel Best: [Sam best is putting on a disguise to pose as Patch Beaudrey] I don't think anyone is gonna mess with him, mom.
- Marshal Sam Best: That's right, you know why?
- Daniel Best: 'Cause no one wants to pick on a fat, one-eyed orphan.
- Doc Kullens: Do you have any final requests?
- Parker Tillman: Eh... if it wouldn't be too much trouble, I'd like a glass of wine. A nice claret, vintage 1887.
- Doc Kullens: But this is 1865...
- Parker Tillman: I'll wait, I'll wait!