- Elverna Bradshaw: Come along you miserable little weasel.
- Shorty Kellems: Yes dear, comin' dear.
- Daisy Moses: They sure talk like husband and wife.
- Shorty Kellems: Jed, Granny, where is my big, beautiful doll?
- Jed Clampett: You mean Elverna or Gloria?
- Shorty Kellems: I said beautiful Jed. That narrows it down to Gloria.
- Miss Gloria Buckles: Isn't there a bathroom?
- Daisy Moses: Oh sure. Right through that door yonder.
- Miss Gloria Buckles: This leads outside.
- Daisy Moses: That's where it is.
- Miss Gloria Buckles: Oh, look at that funny looking dog.
- Jed Clampett: Miss Gloria, that critter's what you call a hog.
- Daisy Moses: Yeah, that's where you get ham and bacon and sausage.
- Miss Gloria Buckles: Really? I get mine at the supermarket.
- Daisy Moses: Well you won't when you live on the farm. You'll get em out of the smokehouse.
- Miss Gloria Buckles: Smokehouse?
- Daisy Moses: That's where you cure hams.
- Miss Gloria Buckles: Cure hams of what?
- Jed Clampett: Who put you back in the cage, Shorty?
- Shorty Kellems: I put myself in, Jed.
- Jed Clampett: Why?
- Shorty Kellems: Elverna was commencin' to look good to me.