- Daisy Moses: Will you guard my pot for me?
- Jed Clampett: Why, sure. But it ain't likely any critter would bother boilin' greens.
- Daisy Moses: There's one that will and he's been sittin' up in the tree for the last 3 hours, waitin' for me to go into the house so he can swoop down.
- Jed Clampett: Sounds like a buzzard.
- Daisy Moses: You're close. It's the 10-toed, black-tufted vittles-snatcher.
- [points to Jethro in the tree]
- Jane Hathaway: Chief, has it ever occurred to you, have you ever entertained the thought that there just might be something in this world more important than money?
- Milburn Drysdale: Of course. I not only entertained the thought, I mentioned it to my father. I said, 'Dad, there must be something in this world more important than money." That's when I grew the moustache.
- Jane Hathaway: Why a moustache?
- Milburn Drysdale: To hide the scar. He hit me right in the mouth.
- Daisy Moses: Whatcha been eatin'?
- Pat Boone: Oh, steak mostly, lobster, prime rib, shrimp.
- Daisy Moses: Well, I reckon when you get hungry enough, you can eat anything.
- Daisy Moses: When did you leave Tennessee?
- Pat Boone: Oh, 15 years ago.
- Daisy Moses: Whatcha been doin' all that time?
- Pat Boone: Singin' mainly.
- Daisy Moses: Oh, no steady work, huh?
- Daisy Moses: You're early, Mr. Policeman. We ain't goin' to be eatin' till sundown.
- Policeman: You can't build an open fire in Beverly Hills.
- Daisy Moses: Oh, sure you can. All you need is seasoned wood.
- Policeman: What I mean is...
- [sees Pat Boone]
- Policeman: Wait a minute, aren't you Pat Boone? Sure you are. I've got you latest record.
- Jed Clampett: Boy's got a record?
- Policeman: Sure, a bunch of them. Haven't you seen his picture?
- Jed Clampett: No, we don't get down to the Post Office much.
- Daisy Moses: What about that bear?
- Elly May Clampett: Well, Granny, if he's kin to Daniel Boone, he won't be scared of no bear.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Well, Mr. Tucker, I'm sure you will agree this is a delightful home and well worth $200,000.
- Mr. Tucker: Well, of course that will be up to Mr. Boone.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Where is he, by the way?
- Mr. Tucker: He went next door.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Oh no. Mr. Tucker, I'm going to give you the opportunity to be a big hero in the eyes of your client. Let's say $100,000.
- Mr. Tucker: I'm sure Mr. Boone will be pleased to hear that.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Why did he go next door?
- Mr. Tucker: To investigate that odor.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: Oh dear! They would have to fertilize their orchids today. Let's say $50,000.
- Mr. Tucker: Mr. Boone didn't think it was orchid fertilizer. He thought someone was cooking collard greens and fat back.
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: $25,000 and I'll throw in all the furniture!
- Mr. Tucker: But, Mrs. Drysdale...
- Mrs. Margaret Drysdale: 10! Sign here.
- Jed Clampett: Who's this young feller?
- Daisy Moses: His name is Pat Boone, Jed. He smelled my collards cookin' and come a-runnin'.
- Jed Clampett: Well, glad to have you, son. Where you from?
- Pat Boone: Tennessee.
- Jed Clampett: By doggies, I've known Granny's collards to pull 'em in from a long way off, but this is a new record.