- [during rehearsal of the talent show]
- Guber Look-Alike: They won't make eye contact, Steven. My hair won't get un-clenched and Lauren Davis won't date me.
- Buttle Look-Alike: I got my head up a horse's ass again. It makes me want to poop in my own mouth then lecture.
- Marla Look-Alike: [running around] Crazy for Cocoa Puffs! Crazy for Cocoa Puffs!
- Milton Buttle: Are you challenging me to a fight?
- Louisa Fenn: I'm challenging you to a date. Buy me dinner!
- Lauren Davis: Sometimes i feel so clueless as to how to do this job.
- Harry Senate: Just follow the teachers manual. I do. To the letter. Kid doesn't wanna come to class just let him touch a corpse or give a lecture on premature ejaculation. It's all in there. Teachings easy. Just use the manual.