Quotes
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Richie : And a very good morning to you, sir, and how may I be of assistance to you on this merry day?
Doctor : And good morning to you. Now, assistant, what I'd like this fine morning...
Richie : Excuse me, hang on, hang on, d-d-d-d-d-djhh! Let's just get one thing clear, shall we? I am not an assistant. I am a shopkeeper.
Doctor : Is there a difference?
Richie : "Is there a difference"! I've got a white coat on and he's got his jacket on back to front! And that's just the tip of the iceberg mate! So let's show a bit of respect, shall we? What would you like?
Doctor : Uh, that champagne, please.
[Richie looks up at the shelf behind him then looks back at the middle-aged man in front of him]
Richie : Hm? Are you 18?
Doctor : No, I'm 54.
[Eddie slams the bottle of champagne down on the counter]
Doctor : I want three bottles.
Eddie : What, are you an alcoholic?
Doctor : It's my daughter's birthday!
Richie : Ooh, it's his daughter's birthday, so he's going to drink three bottles of champagne! Well, there's modern parenthood for you!
[Eddie slams the other two bottles down on the counter]
Richie : What do you think you're doing with that?
Doctor : This is a chequebook.
Richie : But this card only guarantees you for £50, and I'm afraid these items cost more than £50. So I'm terribly sorry, you're going to have to...
[Eddie opens the till, the drawer hits Richie in the groin and he falls to the floor]
Eddie : A cheque will do nicely, just make it out to Eddie Hitler.
Doctor : [chuckles] Hitler. Any relation?
Eddie : Yes!
Richie : [gets up] So this is you, is it? This sort of squiggle is you. And what do you do for a living, are you some sort of modern artist, are you?
Doctor : I am a doctor. Now, bugger... orf!
Richie : [following the doctor as he leaves the shop] Ooh, that's witty, isn't it? Took you five years of medical school to learn that one, did it? On my money, let's not forget that! Bloody students! You're all the same. I don't know why you don't just go and live in Russia! Go on, get out of my shop! Go on, bugger out of it! Go on, on your bicycle! Good grief, Eddie, sometimes I think there's only you and me left.
