- Richie and Eddie join 'Lily Linneker's Love Bureau' dating service in the hope of finding the perfect woman. Eddie gets a match with Sarah Ferguson, while Richie finds himself on a date with Lady Natasha Letitia Sarah Jane Wellesley Obstromsky Ponsonsky Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Smythe Oblomov Boblomov Dob, 3rd Viscountess of Moldavia. Richie pretends to be an eccentric millionaire, and Eddie plays along by pretending to be his butler.—Daniel Williamson
- Richie and Eddie are looking for dates at Lily Linneker's Love Bureau, during the showing of the videos Richie claims to be a wealthy aristocrat, the Duke of Kidderminster. Linneker arranges him a date with Moldavian Viscountess, Lady Natasha (for short). Eddie refuses a date with Sarah Ferguson. Richie has decorated the flat with upmarket furnishings having sold a kidney to afford it all, and Eddie is acting as his butler.
The bell rings and Richie has an attack of nerves, Eddie calms him with a shot of Tizer and goes to answer the door, there is woman there, he goes to remove her coat per his instructions, but she resists and a scuffle between the two starts, she's collecting donations for domestic violence victims which Eddie takes and bashes her over the head with a mallet, he takes the money in to Richie and puts it under the sink. Richie notices the bowls are filthy and scrapes out some black concoction, Eddie informs him it's the caviar. Eddie hasn't mashed the potatoes, the masher is in the possession of one Harry Grundy, apparently inserted it into himself, so Richie mashes the potatoes with Eddie's head. He's interrupted by the arrival of his date and sees her in.
Eddie invites them to the dinner table and serves up their meals, Richie tries the caviar and is disgusted by it, Eddie (as before) makes in innocent remark to Natasha which Richie interprets as an insult and they fight in the kitchen. Richie returns to the table and Natasha has cleaned her plate, Richie makes a marriage proposal and she accepts, her reasons are because of a peasant revolt in her homeland leaving her family impoverished and she must marry into wealth, Richie is too astonished she accepted and tells her to meet him in his room and he goes upstairs.
Eddie is suspicious of Natasha and questions her, she insists she must marry a rich man or lose everything, Eddie takes up the offer claiming to have money of his own. She's tempted but she's already engaged to Richie, but if anything happened to him, she'll move on to Eddie.
Richie is reading up on his sex manuals to get some practice and Natasha knocks at the door, Richie answers too nervous to speak properly, she enters and immediately seduces him, Richie's excitement gets the better of him and he's stopped by an apparent heart attack. In the ambulance Eddie assures him she wasn't a very good lover, they made love waiting for the ambulance. And Richie didn't have a heart attack, Eddie hired a cheap surgeon for the kidney donation, he rewired the kidney and bladder back-to-front, causing Richie's urinary system to backfire.
Richie asks for the defibrillator which he uses to electrocute Eddie's head.
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