Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV Series)

The Replacement (2000)

Alyson Hannigan: Willow Rosenberg

Photos 

Quotes 

• Xander Harris : A demon. A demon has taken my life from me and he's living it better than I do.

  Willow Rosenberg : Uh... well, we're working on it. There has to be a way to get to Buffy to un-hypnotise her. I'll find a spell to snap her out of it.

  Xander Harris : Right. Whatever.

  Willow Rosenberg : Xander, you sound a little... You have to help me figure this out, you know.

  Xander Harris : But I never help. I get in trouble, and Buffy saves me.

  Willow Rosenberg : That's not true! Sometimes we all help to save you.

• Xander Harris : I'm just... another great humiliation. And this time, it's even worse. This demon, he's, like, taking my life, and everyone's treating him... Everyone's treating him like a grown-up. Wil, I'm starting to feel like...

  Willow Rosenberg : Like what?

  Xander Harris : Like... he's doing everything better. He's smarter and... I don't know. Maybe I should just let him have it. Take my life, please.

  Willow Rosenberg : Xander, no! You-you're just tired and, and all soggy. That's why it seems so hard, but you can't let him just take your whole existence.

  Xander Harris : Why not? It's not like I was doing anything so great with it. When I get to the Pearly Gates, I'm sure the guy's not gonna go, "Hey, what a kick-ass comic-book collection. Come on in."

• [Willow comes into her room. Two seconds later, Xander rushes in] 

  Xander Harris : [panicked]  Don't be scared, Wil. Just listen. It's me, Xander. And I can prove it.

  Willow Rosenberg : [confused]  Um... Okay.

  Xander Harris : Let's see. Stuff only you and me know... Okay! On my seventh birthday, I wanted a toy fire truck and I didn't get it, and you were real nice about it, and then the house next door burnt down, and real fire trucks came, and for years I thought you set the fire for me. And if you did, you can tell me.

  [laughs slightly before returning to the panicked state] 

  Xander Harris : For a while last year, I thought I was lactose intolerant, but it was just some bad Brie. Oh! Every Christmas we watch "Charlie Brown" together, and I do the Snoopy dance.

  [he does the dance. Willow watches, now with a little worried look as Xander gets more and more manic] 

  Willow Rosenberg : Xander, stop dancing.

  Xander Harris : Aha! You called me Xander!

  Willow Rosenberg : Xander, shut up! Why wouldn't I think you were Xander?

  Xander Harris : Oh. Huh.

  Willow Rosenberg : What's going on?

  Xander Harris : Okay. I woke up in the dump this morning.

  Willow Rosenberg : Xander, the basement isn't a dump. It-It's more like a really nice hovel.

  Xander Harris : No. The dump. The city dump. I got hit last night. Fall down, boom. Woke up this morning.

• Rupert Giles : Er, um, we just need to arrange the candles. Also, we should continue to pretend we heard none of the disturbing sex talk.

  Willow Rosenberg : Check. Candles and pretense.

• Willow : Ooh! There's a microwave! It would be like having hot and cold running popcorn.