Chico and the Man (TV Series)

Chico's Problem (1976)

Jack Albertson: Ed Brown

Quotes 

• Chico Rodriguez : What are you doing here? You're supposed to be at the fights, with Louie?

  Ed Brown : Yeah, But I got a headache.

  Della Rogers : If I walked around with a personality like yours, I'd have a headache too.

  Ed Brown : [to Chico]  Look, Have you got any aspirin? I just ran out.

  Della Rogers : Try suckin' on the cotton. There's usually some crumbs left in that.

  Ed Brown : Why don't you go pick some cotton?

  Louie Wilson : Chico, This room has everything you need to git you what you need! On a scale from one to ten, I'd give this room a fourty-six! Ed, You sure built this boy a fox trap!

  Della Rogers : Louie! I'd expect to hear that kind of talk from somebody like Ed! But, Not from an intelligent gentleman like you! The young people, these days don't set traps for one another. They just let it all hang out!

  Louie Wilson : You know somethin', Della, If I'd had a pad like this when I was Chico's age, I never would've lived to be my age!

  Della Rogers : If you fellas keep hanging around and reminiscing, you're gonna miss the Main Event.

  Ed Brown : I have a good feeling the Main Event is gonna be held right here in this room.

  Chico Rodriguez : Ed, Good night.

  Ed Brown : Good night? Well, Let me tell you one thing. When I come back here, I'm gonna take a good look at that bed, to see if it's got any whitecap.

• Ed Brown : [Barges into Chico's apartment during his date with Lisa]  This is an emergency. You know, I have this terrible temperature and I was afraid Louiw might catch it. And I didn't want... .

  Nurse Lisa Malone : [Jumping up to examine him, touching his forehead]  Oh, Mr. Brown! Oh, You poor man! Oh! Well, You feel normal.

  Chico Rodriguez : Are you kiddin'? He's sick up here.

  [Pointing to his head] 

  Ed Brown : Oh No. It's not that at all. It's my throat. It's itching.

  Chico Rodriguez : Well, Scratch it in your room!

  Nurse Lisa Malone : Oh, Chico! Why are you so angry?

  Chico Rodriguez : Well, Because he's supposed to be with Louie, enjoying the fights and we're supposed to be, uh..enjoying each other, and nobody's enjoying what their supposed to be enjoying.

  Ed Brown : I am.

  [as Lisa continues to tend to him] 

  Nurse Lisa Malone : [Lisa looks deep into Ed's throat]  I don't see anything.

  Chico Rodriguez : Look again. You'll see a suspicious old man, who's trying to RUIN MY EVENING!

• Ed Brown : [Ed and Della arguing about accomplishments of men over women]  You ever hear of Betty Crocker?

  Della Rogers : Did you ever hear of The Galloping Gourmet?

  Ed Brown : Sure. He's the guy who cooks with Betty Crocker's recipes.

  Ed Brown : Ah, It took a man to discover America, didn't it?

  Della Rogers : Aah,But it took a woman to pay for the trip.

  Ed Brown : Can you run a four minute mile?

  Della Rogers : No... .Can you?

  Ed Brown : Could you become the King of Norway?

  Della Rogers : Could you become the Queen of England?

• Ed Brown : Ya gotta have a little faith, Chico. Be like me. Every morning, I get down on my knees and pray.

  Chico Rodriguez : For a girl?

  Ed Brown : No. That I have strength to get up off my knees.

• Della Rogers : [Reprimanding Ed for being so suspicious of Chico's intentions toward Lisa]  You're as suspicious of that boy as the FBI is of the CIA... .Do you want a sandwich?

  Ed Brown : No! I'm not hungry!

  Della Rogers : It's on the house.

  [Ed quickly turns toward Della's food truck] 

• Della Rogers : [Calling to Lisa in the office]  Lisa! Lisa! Come quick, Honey! It's Ed!

  Nurse Lisa Malone : What!

  [Della pulls Lisa to Ed, who is choking] 

  Della Rogers : He's out here, Honey!

  [Lisa performs Heimlich on Ed] 

  Chico Rodriguez : [to Ed]  You alright?

  Ed Brown : Oh Boy! Ah! I thought for a few minutes, I was a gonner.

  Nurse Lisa Malone : Ok. Don't try to talk. Just stand straight. Keep breathing normally.

  Ed Brown : I know if I lie down, somebody'll try to bury me.

• Ed Brown : [Ed sees Chico is painting the restroom door]  Why are you painting it that color?

  Chico Rodriguez : Well, You see Ed, research shows that this is the most relaxing color. That's why hospital rooms are always pastels.

  Ed Brown : I got some news for you. This is not a hospital. This is a garage.

  Chico Rodriguez : Yes, But we have many sick cars here. Plus, It's Lisa's favorite color.