Jack Albertson: Ed Brown

Quotes 

• Ed Brown : When I come back I'm gonna have the face of a Burt Reynolds.

  Chico Rodriguez : Yeah, and a Don Knotts body.

• Ed Brown : [Speaking to Flora, trying to sound hip]  Hey Mama! Let's fake out! I mean, Let's break and you can flash on my rash! I mean, You can scratch your cat at my flat!

• Ed Brown : What you say, Mama? Do you hustle?

  Liz Garcia, RN : I don't have to. I make a nice living as a nurse.

• Louie Wilson : [Shocked to see Ed's normal face]  That's the trouble with things today! Nothing holds up anymore! Dishwashers, toasters, and now faces! You're old again!

  Flora : Wrong, Louie, he is still young where it counts. Up here.

  [head] 

  Flora : In here.

  [heart] 

  Flora : and... .

  Ed Brown : That's far enough.

• Ed Brown : Now, wait a minute Flora, wait a minute! We were just doing a number on you. I was just trying to show that there's no fool like an old fool who's trying to be a young fool. And I guess, well I guess, maybe I was wrong.

  Chico Rodriguez : Well, actually, everybody was wrong and everybody was right.

  Liz Garcia, RN : How can everybody be wrong and everybody be right? That's wrong.

  Chico Rodriguez : That's right.

• Ed Brown : [After he returns from surgery]  I want Flora to get the full impact of this fabulous face! Gonna shock her right out of her support hose!

• Ed Brown : [to Flora, after she sees Ed after surgery]  Now that I got this funky face, I figure on fallin' by the marina tonight and findin' me some fine, young fox and let it all hang out!

• Chico Rodriguez : Hey, man, this is too much! You and me gotta do this every night!

  Ed Brown : Why not? And I'll tell ya what! We'll pick up a couple-a girls and we'll make it a foursome!

  Chico Rodriguez : And if they don't wanna, we'll force 'em!