- Ed Brown: When I come back I'm gonna have the face of a Burt Reynolds.
- Chico Rodriguez: Yeah, and a Don Knotts body.
- Ed Brown: [Speaking to Flora, trying to sound hip] Hey Mama! Let's fake out! I mean, Let's break and you can flash on my rash! I mean, You can scratch your cat at my flat!
- Ed Brown: What you say, Mama? Do you hustle?
- Liz Garcia, RN: I don't have to. I make a nice living as a nurse.
- Chico Rodriguez: [to Flora, about Ed] How's that? Last week Ed was ready for Sun City! Now he's on Souuul Train!
- Louie Wilson: [Shocked to see Ed's normal face] That's the trouble with things today! Nothing holds up anymore! Dishwashers, toasters, and now faces! You're old again!
- Flora: Wrong, Louie, he is still young where it counts. Up here.
- [head]
- Flora: In here.
- [heart]
- Flora: and... .
- Ed Brown: That's far enough.
- Liz Garcia, RN: [When Flora sees Ed after his surgery] Oh, Flora, isn't he something else? It's enough to melt your Medicare card!
- Chico Rodriguez: [after Louie sees Ed after his surgery] Hey Louie, why don't you go to Dr. Stern? You could end up with a face like Ed's.
- Louie Wilson: Oh, no, thanks Chico. For me to have a face like Ed, I'd need more than a facelift. I'd need a race lift.
- Flora: [Flora responds to Ed dating a young nurse] One date with a young nurse and he'd be back with an old nurse. In Intensive Care!
- Ed Brown: Now, wait a minute Flora, wait a minute! We were just doing a number on you. I was just trying to show that there's no fool like an old fool who's trying to be a young fool. And I guess, well I guess, maybe I was wrong.
- Chico Rodriguez: Well, actually, everybody was wrong and everybody was right.
- Liz Garcia, RN: How can everybody be wrong and everybody be right? That's wrong.
- Chico Rodriguez: That's right.
- Ed Brown: [After he returns from surgery] I want Flora to get the full impact of this fabulous face! Gonna shock her right out of her support hose!
- Ed Brown: [to Flora, after she sees Ed after surgery] Now that I got this funky face, I figure on fallin' by the marina tonight and findin' me some fine, young fox and let it all hang out!
- Chico Rodriguez: Hey, man, this is too much! You and me gotta do this every night!
- Ed Brown: Why not? And I'll tell ya what! We'll pick up a couple-a girls and we'll make it a foursome!
- Chico Rodriguez: And if they don't wanna, we'll force 'em!