The Comic Strip Presents (TV Series)
Detectives on the Edge of a Nervous Breakdown (1993)
Keith Allen: Bonehead, Gourmet Detective
Quotes
-
Commander : Let's get one thing straight. Nobody calls me "guv".
George : Why not?
Dave Spanker : Because it's old fashioned.
George : Who's the squatter? Friend of yours?
Dave Spanker : Detective Inspector David Spanker.
George : Shut up! Listen, guv. I'm a ten guv a day copper. Always have been, always will be. If you want me to work on this case I'm going to be calling you guv all day long. It's all I know and it's all you need to know, guv!
Bonehead : If he's calling you guv, I'm calling you guv.
Foyle : And me.
Dave Spanker : Not all coppers are Londoners, you know.
-
George : It's a 70s style crime that needs a 70s style investigation, which apparently means not driving like a maniac shouting "freeze".
Bonehead : Yeah, but it's better than staring out of the window all the time. Look, he's doing it again. I mean what's he looking at?
Dave Spanker : You do it your way, I'll do it my way.
George : There's only one way we're doing this and that's HIS way. Which is...?
Jason Bentley : Well it's very simple. I usually drive the Bentley to a large country house belonging to some mad, rich colonel, whereupon I drink a bottle of claret, smoke 50 cigarettes and have everyone arrested.
Bonehead : Is that it?
Jason Bentley : Occasionally some naughty men walk by in silver space suits.
Bonehead : You're fucking mad.
-
Commander : What the hell do you think you're doing! I've got the top five TV detectives from the last 20 years and never mind find the killer. You haven't even got a clue!
Foyle : Well you told us to do it his way and his way doesn't work.
Jason Bentley : I was merely eliminating some early 70s suspects.
Bonehead : All you eliminated was five bottles of claret!