- [first lines]
- Host: Good evening and welcome to "Danger Theatre". Sometimes we here in the top echelons of the United States government do things in the interest of national security that we're not very proud of.
- [glances at a photograph of Richard Nixon]
- Host: First up tonight, The Searcher focuses on just such a case and takes on his most unusual and challenging adversary. So, curtain up! It's time for... come on, say it with me... Danger Theatre.
- Host: [narrating] Meet Dr. Karen Kreiger. Single, with a Ph.D. in animal behavior. She's devoted to her work - creating new and unusual weaponry for the Department of Defense.
- [sound of breaking glass in the next room]
- Dr. Karen Kreiger: Billy? Is that you?
- Host: [narrating] Over-worked and over-budget, Karen Kreiger is about to find herself in over her head.
- The Searcher: What seems to be the problem?
- Dr. Karen Kreiger: Testanine has a contract with the United States government to do research in animal behavior modification. We teach animals to be assassins.
- The Searcher: Whatever happened to the good old days when we just taught them to fetch?
- Dr. Karen Kreiger: Cookie was being trained to assassinate Saddam Hussein. Unfortunately, the training wasn't complete - we only got as far as the mustache.
- The Searcher: Hmm, that is a problem - especially for people with mustaches.
- Ray Monroe: What exactly do you want us to do.
- Raymond Pettigrew: Return this ring that the creep gave Madeline. Make sure he understands it's over ¬ like finished, done!
- Madeline Powers: Francis doesn't handle rejection very well.
- Clay Gentry: When we finish with Francis Helm, he'll love rejection.
- The Searcher: [speaking to a rabbit] Hello, Brucie. I used to have a bunny rabbit when I was a boy
- [holds up a rabbit's foot]
- The Searcher: ... only his name was Mr. Snookie. I know you'd be great friends.