- Beefy Middle-Aged Woman: Listen, it seems to me that you have some anger management issues.
- Lynette Scavo: I have four kids under the age of six. I absolutely have anger management issues.
- Gabrielle Solis: [to Carlos] Do you know how bored I was today? I came this close to actually cleaning the house.
- [first lines]
- Mary Alice Young: [narrating voice over] An odd thing happens when we die, our senses vanish. Taste, touch, smell and sound become a distant memory. But our sight? Ah, our sight expands. And we can suddenly see the world we left behind so clearly. Of course, most of what's visible to the dead could also be seen by the living, if they would only take the time to look.
- Susan: I think we should give it to Paul.
- Gabrielle Solis: He's still mourning Susan. He'll probably freak out.
- Susan: It doesn't matter. She was his wife. He deserves to have all the facts.
- Bree Van De Kamp: Well, we could do it gently. We could tell him about it over coffee and pastry.
- Lynette Scavo: That'll be fun. "Paul, we have proof your wife killed herself over some deep dark secret. Another bear claw".
- Bree Van De Kamp: [to Susan, Gabrielle and Lynette] It's the age old question, isn't it? How much do we really want to know about our neighbors?
- Bree Van De Kamp: Do you remember when you proposed?
- Rex Van De Kamp: For God's sake.
- Bree Van De Kamp: We sat on Skyline Drive and drank a bottle of apple wine and when we finished it, you turned to me and you said, "If you marry me, Bree Mason, I promise to love you for the rest of my life". And even though I was engaged to Ty Grant, and even though my Father didn't like you, I said yes.
- Rex Van De Kamp: That was a long time ago.
- Bree Van De Kamp: You're gonna cancel the meeting with that divorce lawyer and we're gonna find ourselves a marriage counselor.
- Julie Mayer: [mocking Susan] "Dear Diary, Mike doesn't even know I'm alive".
- Susan: Shut up.
- Julie Mayer: If you wanna date him, you're gonna have to ask him out.
- Susan: I keep hoping he'll ask me out.
- Julie Mayer: How's that going?
- Susan: Shouldn't you be making brownies for your nerdy friends?
- Edie Britt: [to Mrs. Huber] It's all gone. Everything my ex-husband worked for all those years, gone.
- John Rowland: Ah. This is great. I got tons of homework tonight. It's so easy to concentrate after sex.
- Gabrielle Solis: Well, I'm glad I could help. Education is very important.
- Mike Delfino: Should I have told her we were having steak? She's not like, a vegetarian or something, is she?
- Susan: Oh, no, no. No, Edie's definitely a carnivore.
- Susan: Julie? Mike Delfino just invited us to dinner Friday night.
- Julie Mayer: He did? Cool.
- Susan: But only I'm going. Because you're gonna come down with something semi-serious that requires bed-rest and fluids.
- [Runs up the stairs as she squeals]
- Mary Alice Young: [narrating voice over] Susan was furious with Edie for using a dog to ingratiate herself with its owner. She was also furious with Mike for not seeing through this blatant maneuver. But most of all, she was furious with herself for not having thought of it first.
- [last lines]
- Mary Alice Young: [narrating voice over] Yes, as I look back at the world I left behind, it's all so clear to me. The beauty that waits to be unveiled, the mysteries that long to be uncovered, but people so rarely stop to take a look, they just keep moving. It's a shame, really... There is so much... to see.
- [the toy chest comes out of the lake]
- Carlos Solis: [to Gabrielle] When a man buys a woman expensive jewelry, there are many things he may want in return. For future reference, conversation ain't one of them.
- Rex Van De Kamp: [to Dr.Goldfine] This is the thing you've got to know about Bree, she doesn't like to talk about her feelings. To be honest, it's hard to know if she has any. Does she feel anger, rage, ecstasy? Who knows? She's always pleasant, and I can't tell you how annoying that is. Whatever she feels, it's so far below the surface...
- Martha Huber: Susan, have you been able to find any old clothes for Edie? She has nothing to wear.
- Susan: I thought that was the look she was going for.
- Martha Huber: Oh, Susan! Edie may be trash but she's still a human being!
- Paul Young: [to Susan about Mary Alice] I don't care what her reasons were. Maybe she was depressed. Maybe she was bored. It doesn't matter. She abandoned her husband and her son, and I'll never forgive her.
- Mary Alice Young: [narrating voice over] It's a rare man that understands the value of a perfect rose.
- [a motorcycle cop pulls Lynette over]
- Officer Hayes: License and registration, please.
- [she hands them to him]
- Officer Hayes: Ma'am, you know why I pulled you over?
- [she looks at the kids in the back]
- Lynette Scavo: I have a theory.
- Officer Hayes: The kids were jumping up and down. They should be sitting, wearing their seatbelts.
- Lynette Scavo: I yelled at them. They never listen to me. It's very frustrating.
- Officer Hayes: Well, you have to find a way to control them. After all, that's your job.
- [he hands her the ticket and walks off]
- Mary Alice Young: [narrating] Though he'd been a policeman for six years, Officer Hayes had never found himself in a truly dangerous situation. Then again, he had never before told a woman how to raise her children.
- [Lynette furiously gets out of her car and slowly approaches Officer Hayes]
- Lynette Scavo: Are you saying I'm a bad mother?
- Officer Hayes: Ma'am, you need to get back in your car, please.
- Lynette Scavo: I have no help. My husband's always away on business.
- Officer Hayes: I'm gonna have to ask you to step back now.
- Lynette Scavo: My babysitter joined the Witness Relocation Program! I haven't slept through the night...
- [Officer Hayes slowly reaches for his gun]
- Officer Hayes: Ma'am.
- Lynette Scavo: ...in six years. And for you to stand there and judge me...
- [she stands in front of Officer Hayes, who's terrified. He looks at the children, who are acting terrible]
- Officer Hayes: Okay. I'm not gonna give you a ticket. I'm just gonna let you off with a warning.
- Lynette Scavo: I accept your apology.
- [she takes the warning, sighs, and gets back in the car]
- Officer Hayes: Buckle up.
- Gabrielle Solis: So now you're taking Julie on your dinner date with Mike?
- Susan: Yeah, well, if Edie's gonna be there, I'm gonna need emotional support.
- Gabrielle Solis: I can't believe she wormed her way in. How did you let her do that?
- Susan: I don't know, I was gonna take her out at the knees, but it all happened so fast.
- Gabrielle Solis: Well, you know what you need to do. You need to get there early, spend a little time with Mike before little barracuda gets there.
- Susan: That's a good idea. Edie will get there at five forty five, which means her breasts will arrive at five thirty, so I should shoot for five.