The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Buddy, Can You Spare a Job? (1961)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Rob begins dictating a fraudulent letter of dis-recommendation to get Buddy fired by Alan Brady] 

  Rob Petrie : Dear Mel: There's a situation concerning the writing staff which I believe merits your attention.

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Wait a minute, you're too polite! D-d... You gotta louse me up more!

  Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : Yes. What you need is some good honest hatred. I'll dictate it: During the past season, Buddy Sorrel has not contributed one idea, joke or fresh thought.

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Beautiful. Hey, Sal, tell 'im about how I lay, you now, sleep on the couch all day, that I'm always comin' in late and everything, you know.

  Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [continuing]  He has been distracting Sally Rogers and myself, and what was once a serviceable talent has deteriorated into an office clown.

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Wonderful! Curly, if I ever want to get sent to the chair, you're gonna be my lawyer.

• Laura Petrie : Let me put it this way: I have a happy, semiwell-adjusted husband who comes home and greets me with a smile and a kiss - and I'd rather have that than all the money in the world.

  Rob Petrie : Yeah?

  Laura Petrie : Yeah. So how about a smile?

  [Rob flashes a toothy smile] 

  Laura Petrie : And a kiss?

  [they kiss] 

  Laura Petrie : That's what I want.

  Rob Petrie : Hey - I didn't realize I was such a great smiler and kisser!

  [sits down on the bar stool by the kitchen counter] 

  Laura Petrie : [leans her head on her elbows, looks at Rob at eye level and purrs like a cat]  R-r-r-rr-rrr - rrrrr-rr-r.

  [smiles] 

• [Mel has told Rob and Sally, after Buddy had been transferred to a different TV studio, that they can use another third writer for their team besides Buddy] 

  Rob Petrie : Doggone, if only Buddy hadn't been so nasty.

  Sally Rogers : Oh, he couldn't have been nastier if he made a living at it.

  Rob Petrie : [thinking]  Make a living at it?

  [He brightens up] 

  Rob Petrie : Sally, that's it! Let's hire somebody nastier than Buddy.

  Sally Rogers : I thought Jack the Ripper was dead.

  Rob Petrie : Who can be nastier to Mel than Buddy?

  Sally Rogers : Mel's wife?

• Rob Petrie : Why do you want to insult Mel like that, anyway?

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Well, I don't like him. For one thing, he's too tall.

  Sally Rogers : Rob's just as tall.

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah, but he's not nasty about it. When Rob stands next to me, he slumps a little.