The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Buddy, Can You Spare a Job? (1961)

Richard Deacon: Mel Cooley

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Rob begins dictating a fraudulent letter of dis-recommendation to get Buddy fired by Alan Brady] 

  Rob Petrie : Dear Mel: There's a situation concerning the writing staff which I believe merits your attention.

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Wait a minute, you're too polite! D-d... You gotta louse me up more!

  Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : Yes. What you need is some good honest hatred. I'll dictate it: During the past season, Buddy Sorrel has not contributed one idea, joke or fresh thought.

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Beautiful. Hey, Sal, tell 'im about how I lay, you now, sleep on the couch all day, that I'm always comin' in late and everything, you know.

  Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [continuing]  He has been distracting Sally Rogers and myself, and what was once a serviceable talent has deteriorated into an office clown.

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Wonderful! Curly, if I ever want to get sent to the chair, you're gonna be my lawyer.

• Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : Look, look, do you know who I am?

  Jackie Brewster : Don't you know who you are?

• Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [on releasing Buddy from his contract with "The Alan Brady Show"]  Buddy, I cherish this moment. Never in my entire life have I been happier to say goodbye to anyone. Goodbye forever.

  Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Mel, in the... many years of our association, I know I've said a lot of unkind things about your bald head. And... I'm sorry I didn't mention the rest of your ugly puss.

  Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : One last yecch!

• Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [giving Jackie his hand]  My hand.

  Jackie Brewster : Really? Is that your hand? Why, it looks more like five fat worms.

  Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : I beg your pardon?

  Jackie Brewster : Why? You can't help it if you have worm fingers.

• Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [referring to Jackie]  Well, who's he?

  Jackie Brewster : See, he knows me already.

• Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : I, uh, I don't believe I know your work. What have you done?

  Jackie Brewster : About what?

• Melvin 'Mel' Cooley : [yelling]  GET ME BUDDY!