- [Mel's cousin, Max, offers to sell jewelry to the writing staff]
- Maxwell Cooley: All of our prices are 30% BELOW store prices.
- Mel Cooley: You see, Maxwell doesn't have any overhead.
- Buddy Sorrell: [observing their bald heads as they lean in] Kind of runs in the family, don't it, Curly?
- Buddy Sorrell: [heading off for lunch] Would you care to join me in a bowl of clam chowder?
- Sally Rogers: Well, do you think there's room in there for two of us?
- Laura Petrie: You'll have to forgive me if I seem a bit dense, your majesty, but you see I've been busy scrubbing the palace floors all day and doing the king's laundry and, um... What are you talking about?
- Buddy Sorrell: Hey, maybe I'll buy some cufflinks for my wife, Pickles.
- Sally Rogers: You buy cufflinks for your wife?
- Buddy Sorrell: Sure, so she can give 'em to me for my birthday.
- Sally Rogers: You always pick out your own birthday present?
- Buddy Sorrell: No, I'm going to leave it up to HER warped opinion. Look what she picked for a husband.
- Mel Cooley: [to Max] Hey, look, I'll leave you here. I've got a lot of work to do.
- Buddy Sorrell: [to Mel] Yeah, the wastepaper baskets are all filled.
- Ritchie Petrie: A genuine rock? Oh, boy! Thanks!
- Sam Petrie: All that happiness for just a rock? What does he do when you bring him a present?
- Rob Petrie: Exactly the same thing, just as long as I bring him something. I got him trained that way. Matter of fact, I got his momma trained the same way. You should have seen the big kiss I got last night.
- Sam Petrie: You brought her a rock, too?