The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

My Blonde-Haired Brunette (1961)

Ann Morgan Guilbert: Millie Helper

Quotes 

• Millie Helper : I'll have to call the drug store.

  Laura Petrie : Well, how long will it take?

  Millie Helper : Until I finish dialing.

• Robert 'Rob' Petrie : [pointing at Laura's half-blonde hair]  You're bleaching your hair blonde!

  Millie Helper : We're not bleaching her hair blonde!

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I suppose it's turning by itself?

  Laura Petrie : [on the verge of tears]  We're dying it back to its natural colors.

  Millie Helper : Laura's been a blonde all afternoon.

  Laura Petrie : ALL afternoon!

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Honey, why?

  Laura Petrie : [close to sobbing]  Why? Well, yesterday morning, and I kissed you... and you said, "Don't do that!"... And you came down to breakfast in your yucky shirt... And the orange juice and the flesh and the pits and seeds... And the gray hair... And the Harpo Marx... And the general yuckiness...

  [breaks down sobbing as she buries herself in Rob's arms, who hugs back] 

  Robert 'Rob' Petrie : Aw, I'm sorry. I understand, honey. I understand.

  Millie Helper : You do?

  [Rob nods] 

  Millie Helper : Um... I think I'll come back after dinner and finish the job. Bye!

• Laura Petrie : He doesn't look at me the same way either.

  Millie Helper : Well why should he? He's got you memorized.