The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

Oh How We Met the Night That We Danced (1961)

Dick Van Dyke: Rob Petrie

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rob Petrie : [to Laura]  Give me one good reason why you won't go out with me tonight.

  Laura Petrie : I'll give you two. First of all, we are not allowed to date servicemen.

  Rob Petrie : Servicemen? It's merely a temporary disguise with which to fool the enemy. Underneath this uniform beats the heart of a one hundred percent confirmed civilian, who attended the University of Illinois, majoring in Germanics, journalism, English and all intellectual stuff like that. It may interest you to know that I don't smoke or drink or bite my nails. I don't tell unsavory jokes in mixed company. And, uh, about complaining, I'm very easy to live with. I can go for a whole week with a hole in my sock; you won't hear a word out of me. Now, as far as the entertainment is concerned, we'll see nothing but June Allyson pictures. And when it comes to the guest list for the wedding, you can invite all the people you want to from your side of the family as long as I reserve the right to have either my father or my mother. Now, when your mother comes to live with us, she'll be as welcome as the flowers in the spring. Now, what is the second reason?

  Laura Petrie : I don't like you. At all!

  Rob Petrie : It's just because I make a rotten first impression. Ask anybody!

• Rob Petrie : [seeing Laura for the first time]  Sol, who is that girl?

  Sol Pomeroy : Sarge, no, no, not that girl. Not that girl, Sarge. You're gonna waste your time with that girl, Sarge. She's as stuck up as they come, that girl.

  Rob Petrie : What makes you think she's so stuck up?

  Sol Pomeroy : Well, 'cause I know her. I know that girl. I talked to her. I went up to her, polite-like, nice, and I said to her, "Uh, how do you do, sweetie? How 'bout you and I takin' a hop down to the PX and I'll spring for a couple o' beers, and then, uh, if I'm not too drunk, then, uh, I'll, uh, I'll heist a weapons carrier and we'll take a spin around the obstacle course." You know, nice! Well, Sarge, that girl, stuck up, comes back with an answer that you'd never believe.

  Rob Petrie : Well, what did she say?

  Sol Pomeroy : She said, "No, thank you."

• Laura Petrie : [after they tell Ritchie about their meeting]  So you see, Ritch, if Daddy didn't step on your mommy's foot, you might never have been born.

  Ritchie Petrie : You should've stepped on both feet, Daddy.

  Rob Petrie : Why, Ritch?

  Ritchie Petrie : Then I would've had a twin brother.

• Rob Petrie : [show dancing with Laura]  Why do you hate me?

  Laura Petrie : [smiling]  Doesn't everyone?

  Rob Petrie : What can I do to make you like me?

  Laura Petrie : [still maintaining her smile for the crowd]  Get off the stage.

• Sol Pomeroy : [to Rob about Laurie]  Sarge, I don't know what you're knocking yourself out for. Can't you see she's a cold potato?

  Rob Petrie : Sol, my boy, you add a little mayonnaise, some spices, some celery and egg, and a cold potato becomes a delicious potato salad.

  Sol Pomeroy : Yeah, yeah. I could sure go for a hot pastrami sandwich right now.

• Rob Petrie : Incidentally, this is the first time that a soft shoe will be done in combat boots.