The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)

The Gunslinger (1966)

Rose Marie: Sally Rogers

Photos 

Quotes 

• Sally Rogers : [referring to wanted posters on the sheriff's wall]  This one-- that's the only one I want no part of-- Big Bad Brady.

  [Rob drops his chicken tray] 

  Buddy Sorrell : How come every time somebody mentions Big Bad Brady, you drop a tray?

  Rob Petrie : I once rode with Brady.

  Sally Rogers : When?

  Rob Petrie : When I was a gunslinger.

  Sally Rogers : You were a gunslinger?

  Rob Petrie : Yep.

  Sally Rogers : You were a gunslinger turned sheriff?

  Rob Petrie : No, my last job was a parson.

  Sally Rogers : You were a gunslinger turned parson?

  Rob Petrie : No, when I quit being a gunslinger, I became a singer.

  Sally Rogers : A slinger turned singer.

  Rob Petrie : I hated all that violence, so I became a singer in a saloon.

  Buddy Sorrell : A singin' parson!

  Rob Petrie : No, parson came later. Folks didn't like my singin', so I became a dancer. Then a rancher.

  Sally Rogers : A slinger-singer turned rancher-dancer.

  Buddy Sorrell : Then you became a sheriff.

  Sally Rogers : Don't forget the parson.

  Buddy Sorrell : Yeah.

  Rob Petrie : No, it's easy. Look, I was a slinger turned singer, turned dancer, turned rancher, turned parson, turned sheriff.

  Sally Rogers : Oh. When you became sheriff, you swore you'd get Brady, right?

  Rob Petrie : No, I swore to get Brady when I was a dancer. But, then, what can a dancer do to anybody?

  Sally Rogers : Yeah. So, why'd you swear to get 'im?

  Rob Petrie : 'Cause I wanted to rid the west of everything that's mean and corrupt and ugly.

  Buddy Sorrell : Then you better save one of them bullets for my wife.

• Mel Cooley : [entering the sheriff's office]  Grab some sky!

  [Rob tries to grab some rifles] 

  Mel Cooley : I wouldn't do that, Sherriff!

  Rob Petrie : I can't. Couldn't find a key, eh? Who are you, and what do you want?

  Buddy Sorrell : That's Killer Cooley.

  Mel Cooley : How could you tell with my hat on?

  Buddy Sorrell : [patting Mel's belly]  You forgot to cover the ponderosa.

  Rob Petrie : So you're Killer Cooley, eh?

  Mel Cooley : Right.

  Rob Petrie : Bad Brady's weak brother-in-law.

  Mel Cooley : Yeah, darn it. And I got a message for you from Bad.

  Rob Petrie : That ain't good.

  Mel Cooley : He wants me to tell you two things. First, he's coming to town.

  Rob Petrie : Over my dead body.

  Mel Cooley : That's the second thing.

  Rob Petrie : That don't scare me none. I can still handle these irons...

  [slaps his legs, forgetting that he doesn't have guns] 

  Rob Petrie : Oh, boy.

  Buddy Sorrell : Sheriff, you keep forgettin' you ain't got no guns.

  Mel Cooley : A sheriff without guns?

  Rob Petrie : When I quit bein' a gunslinger, I hung up my guns. I ain't wore 'em since.

  Sally Rogers : You gave up gun fighting?

  Rob Petrie : No, I forgot where I hung 'em. I just don't even... Basement, Ritchie's room, I don't know.

  Mel Cooley : Well, you better find 'em, and by tomorrow noon.

  Rob Petrie : Why by high noon?

  Mel Cooley : 'Cause that's when Bad Brady's coming to town for the show.

  Buddy Sorrell : You mean the showdown, stupid.

  Mel Cooley : I mean the show, shorty. He wants to see a stage show.

  Buddy Sorrell : Oh, hey, I play the cello.

  Mel Cooley : Well, you'd better play it good, because if he don't like anybody in the show, he's gonna kill 'em.

  Sally Rogers : Nobody's gonna want to be in the show if they know they're gonna get killed.

  Mel Cooley : That's the sheriff's problem. And if he don't get a good show together, there's only one person gonna get killed, and that's the sheriff.

  Sally Rogers : Are ya scared, Sheriff?

  Rob Petrie : Miss Sally, I don't know the meanin' of the word scared.

  [pause] 

  Rob Petrie : Terrified, panic-stricken, I know all those.

• Laura Petrie : [as Sheriff Rob lays shot]  Somebody call the doctor.

  Sally Rogers : All right, all right, all right.

  Laura Petrie : Oh, Rob!

  Sally Rogers : [calling outside the saloon doors]  Hey, Doc! Doc!

  Buddy Sorrell : We don't have no doctor in this town. All we got's a dentist.

  Sally Rogers : Hey, Dent! Dent!

• Sally Rogers : Here's your favorite, fried chicken.

  Rob Petrie : Oh boy! And hominy grits.

  Sally Rogers : Oh I don't know, about 40 or 50.

• Rob Petrie : [Sheriff Rob breaking up a betting pool in the Saloon]  what are they betting on?

  Sally Rogers : You

  Rob Petrie : Me?

  Sally Rogers : Yeah, and your fight with Brady

  Rob Petrie : They betting on me to win?

  Sally Rogers : No, on which way you'll fall. It's 20 to 1 on backwards. You want some of the action?