The Dick Van Dyke Show (TV Series)
The Meershatz Pipe (1961)
Rose Marie: Sally Rogers
Quotes
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Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : [the writing staff noticed that the pipe is made of ivory and are trying to finish "The Alan Brady Show" with a joke] Oh, ivory! Beautiful! Finish it with an ivory joke, at the piano, right?
Sally Rogers : Yeah.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : He sits and he looks at the keys; he says, "Do you realize that it takes two elephants to make the keys for a piano like this?" And the guest star says, "My, I didn't know those big brutes did such delicate work."
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Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Rob! How do you feel?
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I'm fide!
Sally Rogers : Fine? You look like an ad for "Send this boy to camp."
Robert 'Rob' Petrie : I don' wanna go to ca'p!
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Sally Rogers : You mean Alan didn't give you that pipe?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Alan give ME a present? It aggravates him to give me my salary.
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[first lines]
Sally Rogers : ...and Alan says, ah, "Good night, folks, and remember, if you ever find yourself in hot water, take a bath."
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Good! Good, I like it.
Sally Rogers : Good.
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Oh, wait a minute!
Sally Rogers : What?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : We can't do it.
Sally Rogers : Why?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Did it last week.
Sally Rogers : Oh, yeah, that's where I heard it.
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Sally Rogers : You mean to tell me that all that jazz about Lazslo Meershatz and the pipe, you just made that up to make us both feel like second bananas?
Maurice B. 'Buddy' Sorrell : Yeah.
Sally Rogers : Good thinking!